I received a voicemail from my sister a couple days ago, asking me to let them know if I was alright.
I debated for a couple days whether/how to respond, because honestly, I don't really want to talk to her. Neither she nor my mother have even acknowledged their role in what happened to make me no longer wish to speak to them. They've each tried to contact me, acting as if nothing happened/nothing's wrong, and that makes me wish to speak to them even less. By now, I'm sure they've even forgotten it happened, because that's how they are.
I've again been thinking back on our interactions through the years, and I see so many actions/behaviors on their part that totally dismiss/disregard my wishes, my right to be my own person, without condemnation, and I know that I'm right to stand up for myself. I also know that, on many, many occasions, I've come right out and explained to them why their actions are unacceptable to me, explained that I'd like for them to support me in living my life, my way. All I've ever gotten in return is lip-service, and a few months of modified behavior (meaning, patronizingly tip-toeing around me), before everything goes back to the way it was, the way they naturally behave.
It's not my right to demand they change. I asked for what I felt was fair for anyone; to treat me like I am my own individual, and not to project their beliefs on me, but to respect me and my life choices, respect who I am. They're unwilling/unable to put in that effort, apparently. So I realize the only remaining choice I have is to remove their negativity from my life. I keep second-guessing myself on this, thinking that they're not doing it maliciously, and maybe I should cut them some slack, but honestly, if I've expressed my wishes/desires to them several times through the years, and they can't respect me enough to treat me like an equal, like an individual, why should I?
I finally settled on emailing my sister's husband, asking him to let them know I'm fine. That's all I said, and that's really all I want to say to them.
Swordfern mentioned in a note that it's human nature to live in a tribe; typically that tribe is family, but what do you do when that family isn't your tribe? You isolate, which is again, what I feel like doing.
2:33 p.m. - 2020-04-24
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