One of the things I need to work on is my expectations/getting my hopes up, because that seems to be one of the main reasons for my consistent slides into negativity. I've realized this many times before, but I always tend to forget, maybe because I continue to hope that some day I'll be proven wrong. People are inevitably going to let me down, and that's something I need to remember.
I had issues this week because I was trying to maintain a positive attitude about things, trying to convince myself that things would go well & I'd have some positive experiences. I really don't think anyone can maintain a positive attitude very long when there is no positive reinforcement to support it. Positivity builds on itself, but so does negativity, and your beliefs end up mirroring the experiences you have.
I wish I knew what it was that I'm doing wrong. I mean, it *has* to be me, there's no way that *everyone* I meet/interact with is 'not my people'. Friendships, family, dating, the common denominator is me - other people have friendships, they have people with whom they get together, hang out, and connect. I know they do, because I see them every time I go out.
It's really difficult to draw any conclusion other than, I'm meant to be alone. The sooner I can accept it, the sooner I can stop feeling let down.
9:47 a.m. - 2019-07-07
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