So, right at the start, I want to say that I'm fine; not depressed, nor suicidal in any way at the moment. Keep this in mind as you read the rest of this entry...
I read an article the other day that really struck a chord with me. Well, the description of suicidal ideation did, actually. As I'm sure I've mentioned several times before, I've been diagnosed as having had major clinical depression since I was in single-digits, age-wise. In all that time, I've never felt suicidal in an active way - I may have approached it obliquely through a combination of too much drinking, and some of the dangers that go along with that, but never actively. I say this, because aside from that aspect, this article really felt like it described my life. There are some quotes that really stood out to me...
"It feels like no matter what you do, nothing is ever going to change,"
"You become mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, not sure how much longer you can keep going, how much strength you have left."
"It’s nearly impossible for those who have not been there themselves to understand how anything could possibly get that bad, how anything could feel so hopeless, how anyone could feel so alone."
and these two, which were a couple of the main reasons I wanted to share this article.
"With suicidal ideation, it isn’t so much about dying as it is about wanting to be freed from a life you feel is too painful to continue. The thought of death almost feels like a peaceful release. You become increasingly consumed by the thought of ending your suffering, of fading away, of just disappearing from the story, not having to fight or cry anymore, of just being free."
"... depression isolates us. It gets into our head and convinces us nobody cares, that we are all alone in the world. It is easier for us to believe someone is asking how we are just to be nice or to make polite small talk than to believe they’re genuinely invested in our well-being."
There's so much more I wanted to quote, but if I did, I might as well post the whole article here. Anyway, here's the link.
Please, read it, and try to understand. It's one of the best posts I've ever read on the subject, and maybe it will help you/others to understand a little of what it's like for chronically depressed people.
Thanks.
7:48 p.m. - 2019-07-09
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