It's been really mentally draining on me - the more I think about it, the more disappointed I am in people. All the "band guys" that kept telling me they were coming to my show were out of town all weekend, and now tonight, I see via facespace that they're going down to the venue I played, for their open mic night. Haven't heard a word from any of them, no "sorry we missed it" messages, nothing. Between work people and band people, I can count no less than 25 people that said they'd be there (ones who said they'd come, and didn't have a show that night). One god-damned person from work (with his g/f) - that's it. Work people, I can understand, they're mostly family people and have lives that don't really allow for late nights, but the band people?
I'm out supporting them 98% of the time they have a show in town. On a typical weekend, I'll drop $30 just in $5 cover charges, to see 6 different bands I know play at 6 different venues. I buy drinks, which supports the venue and contributes to the band's success and that bar. Even though it costs me a lot, I go. Partly I go to enjoy the music, partly to socialize, but mostly to support local musicians, because I believe in them and their talent. I want to see them succeed. I buy shirts & other merch to support them, I talk them up to people I meet, I promote their shows...
Ugh, I don't want it to sound like I think they owe me, or that I did any of that with the expectation of reciprocation, but still, wouldn't it seem the decent thing to do, especially when it had been planned for weeks, *and* they confirmed with me on several occasions that they were coming, and were looking forward to it? Why is it so hard to find decent people in life? Genuinely good, considerate people? And why am I such a bad judge of character? I guess I'm just too trusting, and give people the benefit of the doubt more often than I should. Not this time... I'm not going to shows anymore, for quite a while, and if I do, it won't be to one of theirs, unless it's by coincidence. I'm feeling let down by the human race right now, and I'm also feeling quite anti-social again.
Oh, and the girl? Well, I think I mentioned we were supposed to go for a ride last Thursday but she cancelled. I got a text from her Saturday evening cancelling on the show, and then Sunday (the day we rescheduled the ride for) I got another text, once again declining (valid reasons each, but still). She made mention that we could always meet again at The Dog again Wednesday, but I'm kind of over going out to the bar, and to be honest, I'm not sure how to take her anymore. We connected so well the other night, especially when I walked her to her car, but I'm just getting a different vibe from her now, and adding that to my negative view on "people" right now, it's coloring my outlook. I texted her that I'd have to see how my week went, to know whether I could make it out Wed. I kind of feel guilty, like I'm being childish by "cancelling" on her or something.
Fuck it, I can't think about it anymore. I sent her another text tonight, basically saying "sorry" if my last text came across as curt, and explaining that my days have been a bit challenging. Hopefully, I didn't screw things up, but I wouldn't be surprised in the least if I did. It's ok if I did, I'm probably better off alone anyway.
10:21 p.m. - 2012-08-27
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