During the day on Saturday, I was really feeling like I didn't want anything to do with the holiday events that night. I'd almost decided to just say "fuck it" and stay in, like I'd done the night before. I didn't have a costume worth anything, and I was feeling very isolated and alone. I got a text from The Joker, early afternoon, asking if my show was still on for that night. I called her back & we talked for a bit. She remembered just after sending the text that I'd told her the show was off, and asked if I knew when I'd be playing again. I told her I didn't know yet, but I'd let her know. We talked about her getting sick & having to miss the marathon she'd been training all summer for, about her job and the lack of work in the last few weeks. She asked if I'd be coming out her way again any time soon & said we should hang out (not in those words, but I don't remember what she said right now), and that she still wanted to come out & hang with me over here sometime.
I really don't get her. She's got a b/f she claims to be head-over-heels for (at least, that's what some of her face-space messages say) but when I asked her last month how things were going with the new guy, she seemed a lot less enthusiastic. Basically, she told me (paraphrased) that he was a nice guy, but that she wasn't looking for anything serious, etc. I'm pretty sure she's not just saying that, because we've had some very good, honest conversations about dating & relationships in the past, and I really don't think she'd bother to downplay things like that if it weren't true. When I think about that, and her wanting to hang out with me & such, it makes me wonder if there's something there. On the other hand, there have been several opportunities where this could have been clarified, and it hasn't been. I'm pretty sure she just thinks of me as a cool guy to hang with, and that would be fine if I knew that were the case. It's the "not knowing" that drives me up a wall.
You know what? If I were smart about this, I would just write her off completely & be done with it. Yeah, she'd a really cool chick, she's very musically inclined (plays in a band, which is a big plus), really likes mountain biking and running (which is something that would be a big benefit to me) and yeah, I bet we could have a pretty steamy physical relationship, but 1) we live hours from each other with neither likely to move any time soon, 2) she has the same "work-ethic" issue Vivian had (meaning, she doesn't work full-time and is always broke, which drove me nuts), and 3) she's a major pothead - and I mean bad. The days she doesn't work, she smokes 2-4 times a day, and it's not just a little - not sure about work days, but I'm guessing those days too. Her whole family does it, and they do it together even! Her ma, step-dad, brothers, most of her friends... Don't get me wrong, I'm not entirely uptight about it, but I can't see that being a lifestyle I'd want, nor want to be associated with, to that kind of extent. Still, I do really dig her, and people always tell me you don't get to choose who you dig, so maybe that's why I haven't just let it go yet.
Ugh. Anyway, next topic. I finally went out last week & picked up some of the woodwork I need to finish off the living room, and the trim around the floors. I spent all of yesterday (after recovering from one of the worst hangovers ever) painting the crown molding and the corner/joint pieces and getting them up & mounted. I still need to touch up the nail holes, etc. but it's surprising just how much that helped the look of the room. The one sort of big project I have to do before I can finish the living room is pulling all the old wiring for the electric baseboard heaters. I have some holes to repair in the drywall, and I can't do that with 220V live wiring sticking out! Once that's out & I repair the wall, I can paint/install the baseboard trim & the shoe molding. That's all I need to do (beyond putting up the plastic insulation over the windows) before picking out living room furniture! I'm kind of getting excited about it, although it's going to be a big PIA to find the furniture I want, as I have something very specific in mind. Guess I can do an online search to find a style/manufacturer I dig, then see if I can find someone who sells them.
I also moved everything out of the LR in order to paint. My table, chairs, computer, all the guitars/amps, are all in the spare room with the mini-fridge & microwave, and my big 70's chair is in the bedroom temporarily. The only thing that's left out there is the tv stand (tv, cable box, dvd player, etc), a floor lamp, and a fold-up camping chair. I'm planning on having this room ready for furniture by the end of the week. While I'm painting the LR, I'm going to try to finish up the last little bit of the bathroom so I'll have that done as well. I've got a little bit of sanding, some painters caulk to put up, and touch-ups to the paint, as well as (unfortunately) repainting the ceiling. All of the steam/humidity from the shower has cracked/discolored the paint already. I'll have to use a sealer first, then repaint with the flat white. Once those two are finished, I'll start on the bedroom.
As for the Halloween activities Saturday night, there's not much to tell. I did go out (took the cycle & had all my leather on, so it *sort of* looked like I had a costume on!), and I got to see the four bands I wanted to see play. I drank too much, but didn't make a total ass of myself (that I can recall, anyway) and went home. Got to bed around 3:30a, didn't set an alarm, but woke up about 7a or so with a splitting headache. Spent the next couple hrs getting up every so often to get water & take some milk thistle capsules, and finally decided I couldn't lay down anymore, so I got up around 9:30a, had some coffee, took my vitamins & scrounged up something to eat. I did nothing but surf online, eat, and watch tv/movies for the next several hours (until around 4:30-5p, I think). That's about the time I decided to start painting. Worst part is, there was nothing about the previous night that made the next day's hangover worthwhile. I hate when that happens!
12:30 p.m. - 2011-10-31
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