Was my niece's b-day this weekend, and a couple friends from the east side, so I made a trip over. I'm not really a "kid" guy, so I wasn't really thrilled with the idea of a 2nd b-day party. Turns out, it was just the family hanging out. Bro-in-law made homemade pizza, and we had fresh fruit & salad (and the 'obligatory' beer or two); then came cake & ice cream & the singing of "happy b-day" - I've never (and I mean *never*) enjoyed singing that fucking song, but i did my best to do so (I even through in a few harmonies to try to make it palatable!).
Shortly after all this, I called my friends & got directions to my buddy's place. It was only 5-10 minutes from my sis's which was nice. Stopped off, got a six pack (Negra Modelo - I'd forgotten how heavy that shit is - ended up giving two away, left two more for him for later), and headed off. I was under the impression it was going to be a party of sorts, but it was essentially 6-8 people sitting around talking & listening to music - pretty laid back. That was fine by me, as I wasn't particularly in a "party" mode. Sat around for maybe an hour, then I headed back to sis's to get ready for the club. As I'd had a few beers during the day, I found myself getting rather tired, and I almost decided to stay home, but since I'd already committed to being there to help them celebrate their b-days, I felt obliged to go. I also thought to myself "Who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone interesting!" (dumb-ass...). Stopped & picked up a 5hr energy on the way, as I knew I'd be up late. (As an interesting aside, that energy shot did more for my congestion than any meds I've tried in the last week!? Wonder what that means?)
Got to the club, got in for free (as I was on a b-day list!) and got a wrist-band for $1 off drinks all night. 1st person I ran into was this adorably cute redhead (yes, she's spoken for as well), and we talked for a bit, although I did have to excuse myself as not being 'socially lubricated' enough to not be a bit awkward. **(see below) She probably didn't realize why I felt awkward, and just wrote it off to my not being a very social guy & needing a couple drinks to loosen up. She & her b/f were splitting time at the club that night, as he had his daughter that weekend, and no babysitter ( He was supposed to show up later, after she got back to watch the kid). Anyway, it was a really odd night for me. I talked to a lot of people, but never really had a converstion - it seemed like every time I approached a group of people I knew, I would just end up standing there while they talked, and as I had nothing of import to add, I ended up feeling like an outsider, and eventually, I would just wander off & hang out by myself, leaning on a wall, or sitting out on the benches near the dance floor watching people. A few people would try to get me involved, and I would always give it a shot, but I think it was obvious that I felt out of place there. I even mentioned that to a couple people.
End of the night, I did have a somewhat lengthy conversation with the other redhead of the night (the b-day girl) about fitting in, and meeting people, and a bunch of random stuff. We also talked about relationships, different levels of "openness", and such. Although it was never stated directly, I'm pretty sure I got propositioned. She told me that her b/f knew she had a crush on me (she's always dated older guys & prefers it, apparently). She was talking about her boundaries with her guy & how she could make out with girls all she wanted, and how he didn't mind if she wanted to be with other guys, as long as he was involved, and didn't have to have any contact with said guy. I made a pretty obvious point about not being open to being naked around another guy at all, and I'm pretty sure that kind of killed that particular topic, although we sat & kept talking for maybe another half hour.
I didn't get back from the club until 3:30a, made up the couch in the basement & tried to go to sleep. It wasn't easy though, and I tossed & turned all night. At one point, and this was fucking weird, I was lying there & turned my head to the right, and could have sworn I saw a couple on the end of the sectional - guy on the couch, gal on his lap, making out! I must have been pretty lit still, because I sat there wondering who the fuck would be making out on my sister's couch!? I tried to keep from staring at them, but I kept glancing over to try & figure out what the hell was going on. After what I'm guessing was a half hour or so, it finally dawned on me what was going on - my sis has these big stuffed-animal-type pillows they use for leaning against when they watch tv. These two stuffed animals were piled on the end of the couch, and the way the marking were positioned looked like faces to me in the dark - I had to get up & throw one on the floor so I could sleep! :-P
My sis got the kids up early to have their pictures taken, so I didn't get squat for sleep, as they apparently thought running up & down the hall at 7a was the funnest thing in the world! Just a bit after the kids left, the rest of the family got up & started clunking around, so I basically got no sleep that night. I left shortly after getting up & headed back home. Later Sunday evening, I found Vivian online again & chatted with her a bit. Nothing big, just typical stuff. At one point, something was said that made me bring up CC again, about how I was still pissed at myself for fucking things up with her. Vivian said I shouldn't be, that things are what they are, etc. We talked for maybe another hour ro so, but the entire time, I was distracted by regrets regarding CC. I honestly hadn't even thought of her in what seems like months (don't know if that's true) but I really found myself missing her after that, and wishing I could talk to her again, even try again, even though I know it will never happen, and probably shouldn't even if the opportunity presented itself. I ended up admitting to Vivian that I'd come to terms with the idea that I'm always going to be alone, even if I hope that's not the case. To be honest, I think it will be, but who knows. For now, I just need to find things to do to occupy my time, take my mind off dating, & hope that if I do meet someone, I won't be too dense to realize it before it's too late.
**(Ok, I'll explain - I met her for the first time just a little bit ago [both of them are mods on the discussion board as well] and even then I found her very attractive [short, petite redhead, beautiful eyes!]. Took a lot of effort on my part to keep my eyes to myself, as the three of us hung out & had dinner. The next week, on our discussion board, her b/f posted a pic of some girl in a hot tub, submerged face down except for one of the nicest asses I think I've ever seen. Several people commented on it, as did I, [and yes, she's completely ok showing herself off, so she didn't mind the pic being up], and I made a comment about how lucky he was, and asking if she had a sister/twin who was single! She made a couple comments in the thread afterwards, so I'm sure she saw my comment [yeah, I know, along with everyone else's]. I get really self-conscious about these things, which is one of the reasons I felt so awkward, especially when we would make eye contact! Ugh...)
11:22 a.m. - 2011-09-26
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart