(Yesterday's entry - today's will be below the line...)
My furnace & a/c units were delivered this afternoon - really nice looking equipment! I managed to get everything indoors (all but the a/c compressor unit) but the furnace itself was too heavy to take down into the basement myself. Well, ok, not too heavy really, but way too awkward - I couldn't really get a grip on it to lift it up, so it's sitting just inside the back door, up two steps, in the kitchen. I remembered shortly after it was dropped off, that I still need to buy a programmable thermostat, so I'm going to ask the contractor if he can pick one up & install it. Speaking of which, I still need to call him...
...so I did! Looks like he'll be able to start work on the installation next week Thursday. I'm hoping it won't take too long to get it installed, because I think it's really supposed to start on a downward temperature trend now. It hasn't been too bad so far compared to my last house. It was typical for me to wake up in the morning during the winter months, to a house that was 45-50�. It's still been in the 60's recently, so I'm not even close to freaking out yet! ;-) I *am* a bit disappointed I'm going to have to wait another week for it to be done though...
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Band practice last night; things went pretty well. Got to practice a new song, and learn another new one. Also got some software installed for recording my own stuff at home! Unfortunately, I don't have a sound card, or anything with which to input my signal, so I'm going to have to buy some new hardware. Guess I just have to be patient.
I had another uncomfortable conversation with Vivian last night. You might recall that I wasn't going to contact her, but rather wait for her to talk to me? Well, she hit me up on YIM last night late, with some really sad/disturbing news. Can't remember if I've mentioned it, but she's had difficulties with OCD & ADD/ADHD for years - anyway, she told me she'd just gotten out of the "psyche ward" (as she put it) because two nights ago, she tried to take her own life. She didn't tell me how & I didn't ask, but she's been having a real rough time of it recently. I think you remember the issues she has with me & the decision we made years back, that she now blames me for; she also married a guy who turned out to be a psycho (verbally/emotionally abusive; physically abusive once things started going downhill with them) and she's been going through divorce proceedings. She had to take her stuff & move out while he was at work one day. Ended up moving in with her new girlfriend, but apparently, that didn't turn out too well either. And to top off all of that, she came out to her family as both a pagan (her dad is a fairly uptight minister; he performed their marriage ceremony) and as a bisexual. Her dad didn't take it very well at all, while her (step)mom was a bit better about it, although not entirely. So, as she put it, issue after issue just kept piling up & she never had time to 'decompress' * process one before another came along, so it led to that.
I feel terrible about it, and I tried my best to talk about things & encourage her. She said her doc has diagnosed her now as bipolar too, so she's all messed up. I did make a joke she thought was funny though - I told her that sometimes, I envied bipolar people. When she asked why, I told her, "Well, at least bipolar people feel *something*!" She's known this about me for years - if, for example, a bipolar person feels things on a scale of +10 to -10, I feel them on a scale of maybe +1 to -5 or so (yes, still). It's not pleasant. Anyway, she got a chuckle out of that. She's not allowed to go back to work for about a month, and has been put on zoloft for now, and can't stand it, cuz she said it makes her not able to remember things, and she can't feel anything (what I call being "zombified"). I told that for now, this was a good thing, and it was a good opportunity for her to focus on developing her logical side to help balance out her emotional side. She said she that wasn't a bad idea, so I hope she can/will.
She also asked if I had thought anymore about traveling down there anytime soon. I told her that, although I have vacation time left, it was unlikely that I could afford it, as my car gets such sucky gas mileage (I estimate that driving down there & back, food, etc would run me upwards of $1000, almost $500 of which would just be gas down & back). She's not happy at all down there, and I know she want's to move "home", but she's trying to not be impulsive (ADHD again) and stick it out down there for a bit. I don't know if seeing me down there would be a good thing or a bad one; I mean, I'm sure I could be a comfort to her, and it would be good for her to have someone around that she can be completely open with, but on the other hand, seeing me may trigger her feelings about blaming me for what we've been through, and may end up causing more trouble. Besides, I'm not sure I could deal with being around her in such an unstable condition/situation. I'm quick to assume responsibility for things, and to carry far more guilt about things than I should. It might not be healthy for either of us. She did say that her dad might possibly fly her up here sometime soon, so maybe I can see/hang out with her a bit then, if it happens.
We're supposed to talk on YIM again in the next day or two. I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it, or kind of dreading it. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in the world she can talk to about everything though & it would be a really shitty thing for me to do to bail on her now. I hope talking with me helps, and I really hope she's going to be ok...
12:40 p.m. - 2011-09-23
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