So I was IMing with one of my exes tonight & told her things were going well with CC, and that I wished I could find full-time work, because I really dislike being in limbo like I am now. She asked where I was looking, and I told her, just in my state now, because of the CC situation. I then mentioned the Germany job possibility, and then said something like "grr." She asked why, and I said, because basically I'm torn between the two - she couldn't believe it. Said something to the effect of "So you're going to give up Germany for a girl that (and I don't mean this in the bitchy way it will sound in IM) your probably going to push away anyway!?" and "You're going to let someone hold you back from doing something you wanted to do for as long as I've known you?"
I told her I understood where she was coming from, but that I really felt this situation was different with her; that I couldn't really explain why, but I did, and besides, it's not an issue anyway, because I don't even have an offer now." Her response? "ooookay", and then nothing... I basically said "I can see this topic is done... next?" , and got a terse "next... gotta run... dinner time..."
I should have known better than to talk about it with her, but I honestly thought we were past, well, the past. She's been telling me about her engagement, her wedding, and even invited me to the ceremony and the reception, so I figured we were cool. I didn't expect that she'd react that way, but I should have known. She's probably upset that I would now consider giving up my Germany dream for someone, when I basically pushed her away when we were together. I'm not going to defend the why's, because I know them, but I'm surprised, and a bit guilty, that I didn't realize it might still hurt her feelings. I mean, that's how it seems, doesn't it? I can't think of another reason for her to react that way. You guys have any insight? Aside from not bringing it up with her again? I mean, she's actually asked in the past couple weeks about how things were going with CC & was happy that they were going well, which is why I'm confused. It seemed like an open topic. I guess not.
Anyway, I should probably write more about CC, but right now, I'm grilling pork tenderloins, and then I have to lift, and maybe hit some karaoke tonight. Depends on how long everything takes.
L8R!
9:00 p.m. - 2010-08-11
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