Thanks for the input, Zen!
I do understand her reasons for questioning why I'm even debating this subject, but 1) there are a lot of things about the CC situation that make me hesitant to give up on it. and 2) one of the big reasons I wanted to go to Germany (not the biggest, or even half, but still a big reason) was because to my eyes, my prospects of ever meeting someone here that would be ideal for something long-term seemed minimal at best (ok, "lost cause" comes to mind...) - I thought I'd have a much better chance at meeting someone I'd be more compatible with there. Don't get me wrong, I really do dig the language, the culture, the people, etc., but the relationship possibilities were a big part of that desire.
I see both sides of this, really - on one hand, what are the odds I get a chance to live and work in Germany again? It's a great opportunity to expand my horizons, to increase my knowledge, to learn a new language, (all of which will both increase my marketability in the employment realm, and nurture who I am), and there's a good chance my dating life would pick up. I could decide how long I wanted to stay, whether a year, or two, or more, so if I wasn't thrilled by it, I could always come back here & "start over" so to speak.
On the other hand, never in my life have I met someone like CC (that I had the possibility to date, that is). She's beautiful; she's physically active (and thereby physically very attractive to me); she's very intelligent (should have her doctorate this year, and will be going on to post-doc); which also means that she'll have her own money & I won't be supporting her, which I've done in *every* relationship I've ever had; we're into the same club-scene, but only to a point; we both have studied german, and have an affinity for it; we have similar beliefs in spirituality and it's intrinsic connection to nature... I could go on (and on, and on), but I'm sure you get the point. Anyway, I think one of the biggest things, to me, is that I've been trying to find a sticking point, something that would be a show-stopper, or something that would be even a minor compromise if we were to be together, and I've yet to see anything even remotely close to a problem. We've actually discussed this - she's the same way about me, waiting/expecting something to pop up that says "no way, man!", but it hasn't happened for either of us. Some of you won't realize just how big a deal that is for/with me. *Everyone* I've ever met has fallen woefully short of the basic ideals I hold, until now. It's almost spooky, which is one of the reasons we're both taking things slowly.
All of that being said, I wonder what the chances are of finding that kind of connection again, especially in another country? Not saying I doubt it - I honestly wonder. I guess the big thing will be when/if they make me an offer, and I get to talk with CC about it. I'm seriously dead-stuck in the middle of these two choices. I've no idea what to do. I had an appt. with my old counselor this week, and have another scheduled in a couple more weeks. Hopefully, he'll be able to help me work through it & find something to tip the scales one way or another. I suppose I could say to myself that the Germany job isn't in any kind of field I know or care about (and not even close to my current field, which I really enjoy) so that could be a reason to not go, but honestly, it's freaking Germany! Does it matter how/why I get there?
Gah! Ok, I've got to stop for now - I'm driving myself crazy...
9:40 a.m. - 2010-08-12
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart