(Go back one page for the 1st entry)
The biggest issue I'm having now is that the combination of TRT side effects and the injuries have brought about a new kind of depression for me. It's not one of emotional sadness or defeat, it's more that intellectually, it seems like this is the end of the good things in my life. My health is going downhill (or so it seems), I'm unable to run, or bike, or lift, or maybe even row currently, and if I can't do anything physical, then what do I have to look forward to in life? I've had zero success in meeting a woman online with whom I see compatability and mutual attraction, I don't want to go out drinking to try to meet someone, and with these health issues, I can't go to the gym, or even a climbing gym, or join a runners' group, or any of the things I feel might be either enjoyable, or a good way to meet the kinds of women in whom I'm interested.
My mind is telling me that my social/romantic life is over, and all I have to look forward to is being alone until I can no longer take care of myself, at which point I'll end up in a home where no one will visit me, and I'll spend the rest of my feeble life just wasting away. Yes, I'm fully aware that my mind is being overly dramatic, but that doesn't mean the feeling is any less real to me. Oddly enough, for the most part I'm not even saddened by it at this point, just resigned. I feel completely hopeless, and like I should simply give up on planning anything for the future, because, why does it matter? I'm guessing that might change in the future, but that means I have to hang on until it does. Most days, I struggle to come up with an adequate reason why I should bother...
2:02 p.m. - 2023-11-18
Recent entries:
Mentally Discouraged. - 2023-12-05
Frustrated again. - 2023-11-22
Ruminations on health-related stuff. - 2023-11-19
Addendum. - 2023-11-19
What's with Mr. Gloomy Gus? - 2023-11-19
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