Probably obvious by my lack of updates, but I'm not doing that well currently. The TRT is having some drastic effects on my body & mood, and it's been really tough to cope with. While my initial ability to recover after workouts improved, I noticed that my joints also hurt much less than before, and it feels like my body wants to finally correct itself regarding spinal/joint issues, which is good.
Unfortunately though, this has resulted in a couple of kind of serious lower back injuries - 1st was maybe 4 weeks ago, and I had to quit lower body workouts for two weeks. The 3rd week, I tried to do a raised deadlift that was well within my capabilities, but something in my lower back/right hip area went 'pop/thunk', and I dropped the weight & fell to my knees. I was able to get up & walk around in a minute or so, but knew I definitely wouldn't be lifting anything for a while. Strangely enough, I could tell almost immediately that the 'pop/thunk' was actually my hip area going back 'into place', like it had been out for a long time. I actually felt pretty positive about it, overall.
i took a couple weeks off from any lifting, then started back again last Monday, which was upper body & went well. Tuesday was squats, and I kept it light. I could tell that my body alignment was much improved from before (when squatting to depth), and felt pretty good while doing them. Unfortunately, the next day, I started having the issue I had before when I had trouble breathing & had to lie on the floor for hours just to get the pain to let up. Then that evening, I started running a fever. No congestion, no coughing, just a high temp, for the next three days. The 2nd night, I managed to do several round of WHM breathing (totaling about an hour all-told). and midway through the next day, my fever started to go away. I'm finally feeling better fever-wise, but today the back/nerve/breathing thing came back.
I'm very frustrated. I've always known my body very well, known what to expect from whatever I do, and known what not to do. This no longer applies - my body is reacting in ways I can't predict, and it makes doing or planning anything really difficult. (I'm also having a difficult time with not wanting to eat). I'm going to have to scrap the workout plans I'd drawn up for the rest of the year & come up with something a little easier and more predictable, I spent the last week looking through old routines to see if any would work, with no luck, so I'm going to have to create a new routine from scratch. This has been pretty depressing, since I was really looking forward to getting back to 'normal' with the workouts.
I'm also having a lot of difficulty with my depression coming back. Not the existential 'woe-is-me, everything sucks' kind, but in the 'why should I even try to do or put effort into anything ever again' way. The dating sites are less than worthless for me, I'm tired of being around bar people (even if many of them are nice enough), and I'm sick to death of all the 'x-tian, 'god&country', M4G4-gun-rights-pro-forced-birth republicans', who seem to absolutely abound in my area. With my current health issues, I can't even commit to going out & trying new things. I still haven't been able to start my gym membership, and it's gotten cold out, so my old method of going for a cycle ride to clear my head is pretty much gone too. I seem to have zero friends around here who think enough of me to contact me 1st, and even when I contact them, if I don't actively work to keep the lines of communication open, they just disappear again. Nobody needs 'friends' like that...
I know I have to be patient re: TRT - once that settles down & I understand my new 'normal', things might improve a bit, but right now, literally everything feels hopeless and not worth any effort.
5:03 p.m. - 2023-11-04
Recent entries:
What's with Mr. Gloomy Gus? - 2023-11-19
A difficult 5-6 weeks, pt2. - 2023-11-18
A difficult 5-6 weeks, pt1. - 2023-11-18
Like today. - 2023-11-11
Addendum. - 2023-11-04
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