It's been difficult to get myself to want to work out again. Should've worked out yesterday but didn't. Was going to make it up this evening, but just don't feel like it. Honestly, I'd rather go the well for a beer or two, but I have to cook meals for the week first. If I manage to do that, I may just head up later. Honestly, though, I don't feel like cooking either. I almost went back to bed about an hour ago, I think more out of a sense of boredom/ dissatisfaction than anything else.
I'm bored, but it's a boredom born of frustration/depression, I think. Nothing speaks to me, nothing grabs my attention right now. Of course there are things I could be doing, 'fun' things like biking/running/hiking, going on a road trip, reading a book, playing guitar, working on my old car, cleaning my truck to get it ready to sell, cleaning house, doing laundry... you get the point. Anyway, it all just feels pointless, really, so I'll put everything off until I absolutely can't anymore, then I'll do what needs to be done.
I know this is one of the stages of depression I go through, but knowing this doesn't make it any easier. In fact, it makes it more frustrating, because by knowing it, you'd think I could take active steps to correct it/head it off. I suppose if it were that easy though, I'd have learned how to do so at some point in the last 30+ years, right?
3:33 p.m. - 2020-01-26
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