I'm struggling again.
I was going to go into detail, but, fuck it, I don't care to. Besides, everyone here is used to my bipolar moods & likely wouldn't pay attention anyway. Can't say I'd blame them, I'm tired of it myself.
I've been looking at houses in other areas, as a way of imagining escaping this life for another, somewhere I'm not known. It would be so easy, and so nice, and so much of a relief, to 'disappear'. If I no longer had to work, nobody would ever need know who I am, or what I do, or anything. I could even use another name if I wanted. And why not? Who I am currently is rather a waste anyway, maybe the new me could be worthwhile?
Meh, doesn't matter at this point. I'll be working for at least another 7 (more likely 9) years, so there's no point in conjecture. The best I can do is disappear from here.
I really dislike that I still feel the need for companionship & physical contact. Why can't this be who I am? It would be so much easier...
7:00 p.m. - 2019-05-02
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