Must be some kind of a balance issue - I've been feeling better, but then something happened today. Nothing big, in fact, most people probably wouldn't think twice about it, but...
I accidentally broke my dad's coffee cup just now. (I've had a couple premonitions of doing so in the last couple months, actually.) I'm not sure how long I've had it, but it must be shortly after he passed in 1990. I didn't keep many things of his, just that, a briefcase he had some of his coin collection in, a few t-shirts that will never, ever fit me, and a little gold-rimmed cup I gave him when I was a kid (in a misguided attempt to connect with him) that says "Dad is a special kind of friend". I still have the latter few, so I'm thankful for that, but I've been using his coffee cup every weekend for years. I helped me to feel a bit connected to him, kind of a ritual-like greeting of "I remember you". I'm going to have to look around & see if I have anything else, because I think I'm seriously going to miss that daily connection/reminder.
On the other hand, maybe this is one more way of the universe telling me it's time to move on, let go of the past? Even if it is, I don't know that I ever will; the past is the only place where my life had anything interesting in it. It all runs one day into another now, month into month, year into year. Yesterday & decades ago both seem just as close (or far). I wonder if my life will ever again start to move forward? Sometimes I wonder if I want it to - stasis is so easy...
I'm sad about our coffee cup.
1:10 p.m. - 2018-05-26
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart