(Preface: I'm talking about local friends here, not d-land/far-flung friends, so don't take offense, ok?)
Accidentally left my phone @ home while I was out for a while today. When I got home, I found myself hoping that someone had texted me, wanting to hang out tonight. Of course, when I checked my phone I was disappointed. But really, why should I have been? Why would things change after so many years?
There are typically (not solely) three reasons people ever call me (that are not related to some sort of business): They feel guilty for not talking to me in so long, They want something from me, or their life is shitty & they have nobody else to talk to, who will actually listen.
Things are great & they want to share it? Won't call me. Found something fun to do? Won't call me. Friends are gathering for a party/hang-out? Wouldn't even occur to them to call me.
What really sucks is, I really don't feel I should have to invite myself to everything. Everyone knows I feel like I'm imposing when I do, and yet I never get an invitation to anything.It's almost like I don't exist unless I'm physically in front of people. It's discouraging, and isolating.
Really tired of feeling 'alone'.
7:53 p.m. - 2016-11-23
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