It seems that one of the things I need to learn to accept is that depression isn't something that I'm ever going to get over/past. I *will* have bad nights, and I may even have an occasional need to get drunk over it. Another thing that I need to learn is that this isn't necessarily something I need to beat myself up over. I've had much worse nights than last night in the last few months, and I managed to get through those without drinking, so that's a mark in my favour. I wish I never felt a need/desire to drink, but sometimes it feels like the only thing that will help (even though I know it never does).
Thank you to those who left notes - I was really embarrassed when I woke up this morning & remembered posting that entry last night. I was hurrying to delete it before anyone read it, but you were very nice about it, and helpful, and supportive, and I appreciate it.
8:54 p.m. - 2015-09-02
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