So, obligatory end-of-year wrap=up post, huh?
It's been a difficult year to follow through with things, really. On the more positive side of things, I started lifting for a couple months, then stopped, then started again. Same thing with drinking, and with running (to a lesser extent - at least I'm still trying, I guess, right?). I think all of these things would be easier to stick with, were I to have any kind of support system, or even a friend with whom I could share these activities. I did manage to stop going out so much though, maybe only 1-2 times a month now, rather than 4-6 times a week, like I had been. I also took a big step for me & put up a dating profile (a couple times, I think?); this time, I actually sent a few messages, which is also a big step! Still think I'm going to shut it down for a while though, it just doesn't feel natural, and I'm not getting any messages/replies anyway. Also managed to keep my job again this year, so YaY me! lol And I've saved up quite a bit towards a down-payment on a different house, so I guess that's good.
On the negative side? Oh yeah, started dating a very toxic girl, was sexually assaulted by her (still can't bring myself to say the "R" word, feels like it would belittle what women go through),and I'm still trying to come to terms with that. Had her try to commit suicide while on the phone with me (and one other time, a month later). Fortunately, I haven't talked to her in weeks (months?) and don't expect to again. This whole set of events started me down a fairly long depressive event during which I didn't really do anything worthwhile (not that anything in my life really is, but...). Fortunately,I managed to "bury it, forget it, and move on" as best I could. I'm sure taking the time to actually resolve my feelings would be better, but I can't do that alone, and I can't afford to see my old psychiatrist anymore, so I have to make due with that.
Forgot to mention that I sent a "happy holidays" email to CC last week; just a simple "hope the holidays treated you well", one sentence message, figuring I'd not hear back from her. Two days later, I get an excited email back from her (tons of exclamation points w/my name, and a *takes a running leap for a hug* comment were the 1st two lines!), along with a couple paragraphs of what she's been up to. I was really surprised, and it really made me feel good that she doesn't feel anything negative towards me, which is what I'd assumed when I never heard back from her last time. Again, I assume that once her semester starts up, I'll probably not get any more replies, but it was really nice to get one now.
I just realized, I've only dated two women since 2008, neither of which last longer than a few months. I'm kind of a lost cause, aren't I? I knew this "year in review" thing would be a bad idea. Think I'll go for a run in a few.
Btw, I haven't been able to leave notes for anyone recently - they're all turned off still. Tried to turn my own on again, but even after I do, they don't work. Sorry I haven't been able to say anything, but I'm still reading. For those of you struggling, my thoughts are with you guys.
11:05 a.m. - 2015-01-03
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