Talked/texted with KW last night. Basic stuff, about how things went @ the hospital, how the counselors were, what her plans are now re: counseling, etc. I guess she's going to be going through some fairly intensive stuff - 3 days/wk, she'll be doing one-on-one, and two days/wk it'll be group therapy. She's still drinking though, and I don't know how much she can really learn while doing that. I'm not sure, but I think she might be getting into a substance abuse thing too eventually, which would be really good.She did say that she met some cool people while in there though, and they might be able to hang out at some point. I think that's a good thing.
She's been anxious to see me, and keeps asking when. I told her originally that it would probably have to wait until Sunday, because every time we've hung out on a weekday before, she's always kept me much later than I intended, even though I start trying to leave on-time. She told me she would try her best not to do that anymore, because she knows that if she does, I won't want to hang out & that's important to her. She asked me if there was any way we could get together any earlier than Sunday, and I thought that I give it one more try during the week, so I'm going to pick her up tonight & we're going to try to find something to do. We're also supposed to try & figure out exactly what we're going to be to each other. She said she really needs to know whether we can "date, fuck, or neither".
I'm really having a problem deciding that, too. The smart thing for me to do would be to keep things at a friendship level only, for multiple reasons. Thing is, we're really good together physically, and it would be so nice, after all these years, to have someone to share physical contact with. I already know we can't date, and have again explained why to her. So anyway, I know it's understandable to want a friends w/benefits situation, but is it really a good idea? What do you guys think, knowing what you know about this situation? Personally, I have my doubts about whether she could handle it, or for that matter, whether I could. I couldn't do it with Viv for more than a few times, because i felt like we were falling back into a dating thing. She told me that she was fine with it, so that means it was me having the issue. I think maybe I'm not cut out for casual sex on a regular basis.
Well, again, it seems like talking through this has helped me answer my own question. I guess the question now is, do I sleep with her one more time, then tell her I can't handle it, or just end that portion of it right away? I'd really like one more time, because, well, who doesn't like to fuck?
Ugh. that's so "not smart"...
1:05 p.m. - 2014-10-09
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