Not sure why, but I woke up with a serious case of... apprehension? this morning - about what, I've no idea. Three times this weekend, I started writing a text to Viv, but each time I stopped myself. I kept asking myself, do I really want to bring her back in my life, when I haven't heard from her in a month or more? I think it's best that she stays out. I really could do with some human contact though. I texted a few other people, but only heard back from one. Was a bit disappointing, but not unexpected. Not sure what's going on with me, other than maybe the fact that I've been drinking more than I really want to, and that could be causing me some issues? I'm going to try to go back to my old commitment of only drinking if/when I'm on a date, just in case I need a couple drinks on Wed (if E shows up - btw, I found that she wrote her last name on that card she gave me.) Her initials are ER, so I think I'll call her Erin for now. I also want to stick with the "date" drink rule in case I go to the east side next weekend, but beyond that, I really need to knock it off. It's nothing but self-sabatoge. i could be in much better shape than I am, and that's disappointing.
I bought a raised firepit last night and put it together. I was hoping to use it, but I need to lay out some paver stones to protect the yard from the heat (Hell, I might just go all out & build a deck!?), and I need some sand to put in the bottom of it, as they say it will protect the metal and help radiate the heat up & out, rather than through the bottom to the ground. It'll be nice to sit out around a fire at night again. Might be nicer if I actually had friends to invite over, but I guess one step at a time, right?
Ok, I'm going to try to avoid the negativity/sadness I'm inexplicably feeling right now, and get back to work.
1:19 p.m. - 2014-06-16
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