I think I sort of saw the girl at the sandwich shop when I went in yesterday. I say "sort of" because I didn't actually see her face - there are always three people on line; cashier/order taker, initial prep, and finish prep/end of line. I think she was the middle one, but she never actually looked up at me, so I'm not sure. I got the feeling she said something about me to the others at some point, because it seemed like the other two were sizing me up. I don't know this, it's just the impression I got. The 1st & last girl were very smiley, like "knowing smile" and seemed to both be trying to catch my eye somehow, like they were seeing if I'd look at them the same way or something, like a test of some sort!? Ugh, I don't know, I'm probably imagining things. If not though, maybe they'll talk amongst themselves & realize that I don't look at just anyone that way, and maybe she'll decide to go ahead and talk to me so I don't have to be such a fraidy-cat about it!? Anyway, it's been disappointing to not have been able to see "her" for this long. I've been hoping for an opportunity to get her name, but for me to not be a total wreck, it needs to be organic, just a natural part of our interaction, you know? Hell, would you believe I'm making myself nervous just talking about it? What a loser...
Why can't I be like every other guy & just be forward with women I like? Well, like every other guy only in that respect - I'm actually quite happy to not be anything like typical guys in any other way. I think if I were, I'd end up hating myself. Ok, maybe I'll change it to, "why couldn't I have had a dad, or a father-figure who taught me about these things"? I'm just now starting to learn things I should have known in high school or college. By the time I really know what I'm doing, I'll be dead.
Is it too much to ask the universe to help me out with this one? Well, I'm asking anyway...
P.S. Can someone help me find a way to write my poetry again? I've got somewhere around 80 posted online, but I haven't been able to write anything in literally years. It's depressing.
P.P.S. The last few days, I've really been wanting a drink. Not for any need to get drunk, but I miss the taste, and the "romanticized" notion of drinking with friends. Still don't need it, but these were the first "temptations" I've had so far. Still not doing too badly, I guess, for someone who went from drinking 5-6 nights a week, to not having any for months, right? I'd still rather make progress on lifting & losing weight, if I can...
10:28 p.m. - 2014-03-25
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart