Aside from a little bit of a cough, I'm over my illness. The sun is bright today, it's in the mid 40s, the snow is melting everywhere, and I should be happy that spring is almost here. I'm not.
I have to stop going to the pub, I think. I was sitting there eating, and as I looked to the bar from my booth, all I could see were old men (mostly), just sitting there, connected together in their mutual solitude, and a big wave of sadness overwhelmed me. I saw myself in 10, 20, 30 years, doing the exact same thing, being just as alone as they are, just as alone as my dad was, just as alone as I am now.
At this moment, I'd give almost anything for a single, passionate, lingering kiss. I can't remember what that's even like anymore. As that's unlikely to happen, I'm torn between getting in my car & driving until I run low on gas, or just crawling into bed & sleeping the rest of the weekend away.
I'm so tired of the sadness always returning.
2:51 p.m. - 2014-03-15
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