So, ma got BC's cell # for me & sent it in a text today. That's cool, but now, I have no idea what to say, or how to approach hanging out. Might just send a text-invite to a show I'm going to attend & see if he/they want to join me for a bit!? Might work. Man, I suck at this whole "friendship" thing. I've no idea what normal, typical friends do when they get together. I really only ever had one true "hang-out" friend in my life, and that was so long ago, I can't even remember what we used to do together.
I'm almost done with this new supplement I started taking this month. The guy who recommended it told me it might be difficult (mentally) to give up, because my workouts would be so much better, but to be honest, I can't wait to stop taking it. My sleep has been shitty as hell all month, I'm constantly tired (lethargic I think might be a better description) and I've somewhat lost my appetite, which is not good while taking this, as you're supposed to be sure to eat really well (both in quality & quantity). There's one other formula that similar, that I might try in a couplefew months, because I know everyone reacts to things differently, but if that isn't more effective, I'm going to give up on that idea. At least I can start my leaning-out phase in a couple days, take up the running again. That is, of course, if it warms up a bit - starting over with running is never a good idea when the temps are in single digits F (although, on the other hand, that kind of cold will force me to really start off easy, so maybe it'll be a good thing!?). I'm still having a hard time rationalizing why I even bother with any of this. I can kill time just as effectively (and much more easily) sitting on the couch.
The "einsamkeit" is taking its toll. I'm to the point of really wanting to be in a relationship again, and that's doing nothing but reminding me that the dating options around here are very slim, and unless I just decide to settle, I'm going to be in this situation for some years to come, and the older I get, the fewer opportunities there will be.
See? This is why my first thought about the picture I posted in my last entry was what it was. I've had some good times, and I can't imagine any situation that would top those. I really think my best days are behind me, and it's nothing but a downhill slide from here.
Sometimes I make myself really sad.
7:26 p.m. - 2014-01-29
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