I had another thought today on why I might be bummin' out - I started taking a new workout supplement this month, and although it seems to be doing what it claims, it's made it very difficult to get to sleep at night, and even more difficult to get out of bed in the morning. My sleep has been shitty for two weeks, and I know that when I get overly tired, I tend to get a bit too mellow. (The lack of sleep has also caused me some issues with my back as well. Been to the chiropractor three times & am still way out of alignment.) I've only got another 2.5 weeks to go with this, then I can reevaluate. The sleep issue could also explain my lack of motivation to do this open mic night as well. I can't settle on three songs I really want to do. After I practice them for a week or so, I start to think the songs themselves are stupid/not something I would do, and start to look for other songs, but eventually end up feeling the same way about those too.
Dissatisfaction. Lack of purpose. Killing time. The core essences of my life.
Oh, and did I mention my grandmother (on my father's side) passed on last week? I'm not sure how to react to it. I haven't seen her in years, we were never close (that whole side of the family is emotionally repressed), and it doesn't actually hurt that she's gone. Obviously, I'm saddened by it, but it's a distant sadness, if that makes sense. I'm not sure how to communicate with her kids (my aunt & uncles) about it though. They had a burial at the cemetery a day or two after she passed, but they're not arranging a "wake" (get-together) until April, when the weather breaks. This somewhat confuses me, as it's pretty atypical behavior for most families, but it doesn't seem out of the ordinary for them. It doesn't bother me, really, just seems odd. Anyway, I'm not sure what to do about expressing my condolences. Truthfully, I haven't seen *any* of them in years, and the idea of contacting them feels awkward. I'm thinking of sending a card to the uncle I'm the "closest" with, and having him pass on my condolences.
I'll be lucky if, when I pass, anyone even notices.
9:15 p.m. - 2014-01-15
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