After bowling last night, I stopped down to open mic night again, and ran into several people I knew. For a change, I actually spent most of the night talking to some of them too. Unfortunately, most of the conversations were based around my hesitant desire start performing at some of the open mic nights. I say 'unfortunately', because everyone and their brother keeps telling me I just need to do it, "just get up there & play! bomb a few times & get over it, nobody cares!". I understand that this approach can work for many people (and possibly me as well), but I don't have the nerve to do it. They say to me that's "all the more reason to just do it, get over it!"; I'm like, "fuck that!". They keep insisting, or they'll drop the subject.
So, I've decided that, until I take steps to actively pursue anything in music (whether it be an open mic night, or trying out for a slot in a band) I'm never bringing it up again. So far, over the past several years, I've been all talk, no show, and I'm betting everyone's getting tired of hearing it. The topic typically only comes up when I've had several drinks, too, so maybe I should just quit drinking!? Of course if I do that, I'll likely stop talking to everyone because I'll think I'm imposing & I don't want to bother them. I've been doing well with going out only once/twice a week anymore (typically), but when I do, I over-indulge & feel like shit the next day. Not helpful for exercise plans, nor for getting to work on time.
Man, some days I really feel at a loss as to what to do with myself/my life...
On a different topic, I've found that since I decided to go clean-shaven a week or two ago, two of the women I like to flirt with have been a lot friendlier with me. The waitress at the pub I go to each weekend has started to sit down across from me in the booth to chat under the pretense of taking my order, (which she does eventually gets around to). She has a long-term b/f, so there will be no asking-out, but she's cool to talk with.
The other is the waitress at the bowling alley. Always seems to go out of her way to talk to me, has been joking around a lot in little ways recently... You know what? I was going to try to explain it with a few examples, but I don't think I can. Doesn't matter anyway, she's fun to talk with too, and is even cuter than the pub waitress, but as is my apparent DOM trademark, she's probably too young for me as well, so I'm just not going to dwell on it.
Damn. Mood just dropped 50 points. Yes, I know 'mood' is all in my head - my head's a pretty fucked up place. Time to go, I guess. Maybe a workout will help me feel better...
7:30 p.m. - 2013-12-18
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