Right now, my best intention is to take some time away from everything - bar scene, online sites... Just going to try to get my neck issues resolved, maybe get some work done around the house, read a book or two, and generally avoid everyone/thing. I called my psychiatrist last week to arrange an appointment, but he doesn't have anything available for the next two+ weeks. By then I'll either feel better, or I won't want to talk to him about anything, so it's rather pointless to schedule anything.
As an aside, my chiropractor reminded me that I do have some spinal degeneration in my neck (have for a while), and that likely was why I continue having issues. It was a slap in the face, so to speak, reminding me that indeed, I'm growing old. I don't feel old, I don't "think" old, but it's happening whether I want it to or not. I feel like this is the start of the downhill slide, the slow unraveling of life from whatever pitiful pinnacle it had reached. I feel like giving up. It's all so discouraging. Combine that with my decision to not have kids, and my inability to find/develop a relationship, and it makes things seem all the more pointless. Is there really a purpose to living a life in which the last 40-50 years are spent in unwanted solitude, especially if one doesn't have any hopes/dreams/aspirations?
I need to stop thinking so much. I also need this pain to stop.
12:48 p.m. - 2013-08-06
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