Having a rough time. Feeling alone and isolated; feeling friendless. Drank so much yesterday (well, not a lot, just a long time, as there were a few shows, one of which ran from about 2-5p), that after having gone to bed around midnight, I woke up at 3:30a feeling like I was going to throw up. I didn't because I have excellent self-control, but man, I felt like shit. Told myself I wasn't going to drink again for a while.
Stressful day at work, still feeling like shit mentally, got home & had a beer, then had another. In about an hour, I have to go deliver a couple burned cds to a buddy at the open mic night at lou's. Meg_D's band will also be playing tonight, and I haven't been able to hang with her much, so I'm guessing I'll end up sticking around. I can't picture myself socializing without drinks, especially with the mood I've been in, so I'm betting I'll be getting (at least a bit) drunk tonight too.
I don't know what's going on, why I'm feeling this way, but I'm really feeling lost and more than a bit hopeless. I also have no friends around here (in town, I mean) to whom I can turn.
Oh, and Viv just got in touch with me tonight needing a shoulder. Turns out, she's pregnant, and her b/f isn't happy. She came to me for support, but I told her about how bad I'm doing, and that I can't offer much supportive help. I tried, but there's not much I can say without placing my own personal feelings out there, which I don't want to do & she doesn't need to hear. We talked briefly about her options, but I told her ultimately, any choice would have to be her decision. She signed off shortly after that, saying she thought she was gonna be sick. I feel like an asshole, but I have nothing to offer her.
Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to offer anyone...
7:23 p.m. - 2012-08-13
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