I'm going to start an entry & see if I have the energy to actually write out everything I'm thinking/feeling.
Although I had the negativity of the car accident, there's good news as well. My band has two shows this month, one of which is at Lou's, where all my musician friends hang out. I'm pretty excited about it! And, we're playing with a really talented band that night as well - not sure if there will be another band added or not. Anyway, I'm looking forward to having my friends hear me play finally.
On a different note, being single is really starting to wear on me. I mean, *wear me down*. I can't stand that part of my life. I do all I can to avoid thinking about it, or dwelling on it, but relationship stuff is everywhere. On tv, adverts all over for dating sites, shows about/involving couples/relationships; when I go out i see couples everywhere, gay, straight, doesn't matter - it seems that everyone can find someone but me. I wish I had even the slightest clue about how to change my circumstances, with the social skills I have. I know what people would tell me, and I know what extroverts would do, but I don't have the ability do do those things. I'm an introvert, a watcher, an observer. Myers-Briggs tests place me as an INTP. I have so few skills when it comes to meeting new people... well, I just don't know what to say about it.
I seem to have drifted back into my logical, detached "examiner" state regarding this, so I'm not sure it's worth further pursuit. I've been thinking about CC a hell of a lot recently though, and it's taken a lot of self-restraint to not write to her. If I had a social circle, I likely wouldn't feel the need to write her. Viv's gone, GRJ's gone, the few crushes I've had in the recent past are gone, and I haven't hung out with Meg_D in ages. I have cursory interactions with coworkers, I have shallow conversations with bar friends, I have nothing solid or meaningful in my life in the way of personal relationships. It seems, at this rate, like I never will.
How is a person supposed to keep a positive outlook on life when there's nothing about which to be positive?
7:35 p.m. - 2012-08-02
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