It's not the fact that I went out again that bothers me, it's the fact that I still haven't been able to do so sans drink. Meg_D's new band had another show last night that I hadn't planned on, but they're really good (well, yeah, and I have a crush on her - shut up!) so I wanted to go see them. It was actually at a reasonable time too; 9p to 11p. I got there about 9:30p & sat near the back of the room (no seats at the bar). They played some great music, finished their set & took a short break. A few minutes before they went back on, she stopped by my table, gave me a big hug, then got her drink & sat to talk with me for a few minutes. At some point, she asked me if I was a "gearhead" (meaning vehicle modder); I told her I was "aspiring to be" but didn't have the bread for it yet. Apparently her dad/uncles? were, and she wants to get a cycle someday. I asked if she'd seen mine & she hadn't so I walked her to the window. She really dug it, was surprised to find that it was a Honda, becaue it looks so much like a Harley. (Side note: I even fooled a bunch of people at the bike night I went to last week. I must have really done something right with it, huh!?)
By this time, she had to get back, so I found an open seat at the bar next to some (bar) friends of mine, and watched the rest of the show. Was a pretty good time, aside from the fact that I really didn't talk to anyone beyond "standard greetings" (other than Meg). When they finished up, Meg came to the bar & sat next to one of her friends. I finished my drink, threw my jacket on & went over to say goodbye & compliment her on her show. I got another big hug, and a big kiss on the cheek! Made me feel pretty good, even though I know it was just a result of post-show endorphins & drinks. Who knows though, both hugs were nice full-length ones, not just the lean-in type, so at least I can pretend she digs me! lol At this rate, in another few years, maybe I'll even get the nerve to ask her out, or at least if she's still seeing that guy! >.<
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist today. The above topic (dating, asking people out, etc) will be one of the things I want to talk about; that and why I still feel a need to drink when I go out. I'm stuck. I'm doing the same shit all the time, and I don't know how to change it; for that matter, I don't know why I should even bother. I'm back in "giving up on dating, or ever finding someone" mode, although... I can't remember - did I mention the gal I bought all my paint and kitchen cabinets from? I kinda dig her too, she was really nice, very cute, even considered asking her out, but when it comes to women in service-industry jobs, I can never tell if they're just being friendly/helpful, or if there might actually be a connection. I tend to err on the side of caution though, which I suppose explains a lot. I'm eventually going to have to go back in to buy counter tops & kitchen appliances eventually, so maybe I'll just gauge her reaction when I go back in.
11:52 a.m. - 2012-05-30
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