I've written quite a bit in the last few days, but I've also deleted a few things too, so I've no idea whether I wrote about this yet or not. I stopped off to Viv's last night to pick up some melatonin pills (she's been having insomnia issues do to* her antidepression meds), and as I've been having issues with interrupted sleep for years, I thought I'd give them a try as well. We hadn't hung out since last week, so we sat on the couch for a bit & caught up. At some point we ended up on the topic of people's inability to just sit with themselves, no external input (tv, radio/music, etc.) and how, from what I've read, and also come to understand, it's likely do to* them hidng from/avoiding certain things in themselves that they are unable/unwilling to face. I then mentally associated that with my "need" to go out & socialize & drink. It was good for me to acknowledge that I'm hiding from something. I have another appointment with my psychiatrist tonight, and I think we're supposed to be getting into a similar topic, related to my inability to open up & share my feelings with anyone (including him, which is entirely counterproductive). Admitting to myself that I'm avoiding something internally made me feel a bit better last night, a little more positive. Hopefully something comes from it...
I still haven't received a reply from the Gambler yet about our "phone date", so I guess I have to assume it's not going to happen.
* - This irritates me to no end. I've always written it as "due to" and felt it was proper, but was reading a grammar website online and it said that this is incorrect, and that "do to" is the proper way to write it. Is it just me or does that look entirely wrong to anyone else? I may just go back to being incorrect, because it just seems to feel better.
2:28 p.m. - 2012-04-11
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