So I've been on vacation all week (and will be until Jan. 3rd) and would you believe it's actually been difficult!? I've lost my only major source of social interaction (work) and have been really struggling with that. I'm still keeping up with my workouts, and I've got most of the bedroom cleared out so I can paint it, but I've failed to stick to my goal of avoiding bars. I was down to 213# the other morning (from 220#) so I'm making progress, but I've really been bummed out about being alone. I've tried calling a few people, but the only person i was actually able to get a hold of, seemed to be busy with family & friends, and I feel like I'm intruding/imposing by calling, so I kind of feel like I shouldn't bother.
My family wants me to come to x-mas either tomorrow or Sunday, but I don't see any point. I don't do x-mas, I don't care for it, and to be completely honest, right now the thought of hanging out with my sis/bro-in-law & their kids (and the rest of the families) just seems very disheartening/discouraging. I feel like, I'm already alone enough, I don't want to be reminded of/be surrounded by others who have found their happiness.
CC's been on my mind so much the last couplefew weeks, and it's taken a huge effort for me not to write her. Fortunately, it *is* a holiday, so I don't feel like a complete loser writing to wish her a happy holiday. It's so stupid that I hang on to this insane desire to hear from her, talk to her, and maybe even see her eventually, but I just can't get past how great she was, and how badly I screwed up.
I'm going out for a drink or two. At least there will be a chance the waitstaff will be friendly & talk to me, if only a bit...
8:16 p.m. - 2011-12-23
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