After having stayed up later than I intended the last few nights, I decided to try to turn in early last night. I thought I was tired enough to go right to sleep, but although I was in bed by 2200, i couldn't drop off. Was having neck problems, which was inducing a minor headache, and I also couldn't shut my mind off. My thoughts ran everywhere, from furnishing my house, to wanting to see The Joker, to needing to store my car for the winter, finishing the insulation on my windows, wishing I felt well enough to get back to working out, hoping I'd hear back from CC soon & that maybe there might be some way I could see her again, wishing I would start taking music more seriously & finally record the couple songs I'm working on, etc...
This resulted in a fitful night's rest, and a spate of lucid dreaming that must have went on for hours. I can still see the house(s) I was in (which happened to be 2-3 different "houses" from dreams I've had months/years ago, haven't dreamed about in ages, and have never actually been to, so I doubt they even actually exist). I don't really have the energy to get into what the dreams were about - suffice to say that I was working on fixing up a house or two (same location, yet, not!?) working on heating and leaky windows, etc. and of course, there were a couple of women there to whom I was attracted...
Anyway, I set my alarm for 0600, figuring that would be 8 hrs of sleep & should be plenty. I shut my alarm off, without resetting it, and went on dreaming for another couple hours, finally waking up on my own around 0815. As soon as I moved, I knew something was weird - my back was terribly stiff, I had trouble moving, and my right arms felt like it had a big bruise on it, or that I'd overworked it somehow. It's like I actually was lifting the things I'd dreamt about that night, and overdid it. I know it had nothing to do with my activities the night before, since all I did was pick up some groceries, surf a few internet sites, and watch part of a movie. Usually, I enjoy the fact that I'm able to have lucid dreams, but today I think it sucks, because I was really hoping to catch up on some rest & I feel like I didn't sleep at all. In fact, I'd really like to head home & go back to bed right now, but I've got work to do today.
I think, for the next little while, I'm going to try to shift my home schedule so I can get up earlier in the morning - go to bed around 2200, get up around 0600, see if that helps at all. Only day I won't be able to do that is Thursday, which is band practice. If I can get into this routine it'll help me with a couple things... 1) I can start to run in the mornings before work so I don't slack off & miss it at night, 2) it should keep me from going out to the bar on nights when I get really bored/lonely at home, which will help both with getting more/better sleep, and reducing my drinking, 3) with a new schedule, I will start looking for other things to do that fit those times, and maybe I can find a new group of "friends" which will expand my social circle.
Oh, and the two "thicker" women I mentioned a little bit ago? The more interaction I've had with the one with the accent, the less interested in her I am, and the musician is now in a relationship, according to "face-space".
Oh, again! Did I mention that, in the last email I received from CC, that her email signature lists her title as (CC), PhD? These things never really seem to register with me, but I was just thinking about the kind of woman I would be interested in (for instance, if I were to describe her in a dating profile or something), and aside from preferring certain physical attributes, I'm kind of wide open on the rest. I've dated a gal who was homeless on the streets of Detroit when she was a teen, taken in by skinheads (and turned out fairly well-adjusted in spite of it), and I'm not actually sure ever finished high school; I've dated a gal who was super-religious, and had dreams of being an accountant (really!?); a self-professed lesbian with ADHD/OCD issues (among others); and an emotionally reserved/repressed Catholic with a guilt complex and a PhD who is still continuing her education. For some reason this just struck me as odd, that I'd be equally attracted to a woman with a PhD, and some who can't even spell words like "being" correctly ("beeing"?) Does that strike anyone as odd, or is it somewhat normal? I've no friends with whom to compare, so I really don't know...
Just realized, I haven't dated a musician/artist yet!? Or a physical fitness devotee either - maybe that's why I'm attracted to The Joker, she's both. Unfortunately, she's also a burnout. Ugh. Oh, and she also isn't the best speller! Meh... Wish I could find the nerve to talk to blue-eyes, see what she's like. I know I won't though, I'm too nervous/shy.
Hrmph...
10:19 a.m. - 2011-11-02
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