IM'd with Vivian again last night - talked a bit about my recent crushes, her luck (or lack thereof) in finding someone to date on a website she's on now, at least nearby. Apparently, she's learned a couple things... 1) there are *tons* of beautiful women in a town a couple hours from her, and 2) black women seem to really dig her!? Anyway, she told me that she's been considering doing something "bad" recently - there's a guy she's been talking to who really wants her, and she told me she's been kind of thinking about sleeping with him so she can get pregnant, because she really wants a kid. I told her that not only was that a bad idea in general, it's also not good, because she hasn't really stabilized yet after having been in the psyche ward, nor has she learned how to deal with stress properly yet, and raising a kid on her own would not be healthy at all until she had. Finally, I told her she may even end up having to deal with post-partum depression as well, and with nobody to help her through that, it's just a really bad plan. She backed off & said she wouldn't really do it, but it had crossed her mind, because she really wanted to have kids. I mentioned that I felt the same way, just int he opposite direction, and that I'd been trying to get the nerve up to schedule my "procedure" so I'd never have to deal with/worry about that. She actually got upset & told me to "save some for her" before I did - she still wants to have my kid, even after all this!? Weirded me out, even if I understand it. I think that, once she finds someone to date, or at least finds a group of people to hang out with (so I know she won't be alone) I'm going to slowly pull back from her, kind of keep my distance.
I was looking around the basement last night after the guys had left, and I'm starting to get a little nervous about their installation. I mean, it's going to function, but well, they just don't seem to think ahead. One example, I ordered a fine-particle filter housing to be installed with everything, and I had mentioned this a few times when first talking with them about the install. Well, I found the box sitting in the corner, unopened. I took it out of the box & placed it, and the instructions, right next to the furnace where it should have been installed. Unfortunately for them, they're going to have to disassemble parts of the cold air return in order to install it. Can't be helped though, because with all the mold in the basement, it *has* to be installed, or else it'll all be blown all through the house! Another thing is, I only have five windows in the basement, and four of them are now partially blocked by furnace stuff, either duct work, or the cold air return. One of the windows, I'm not even sure I'll be able to open it when they're done! (Guess I can address that on the final walk-through!?) Was also looking at the duct work, and there are several holes at some of the joints. The only thing I can think is that maybe they're going to seal it up with duct tape or something. I hope so, because if they leave it the way it is, I'm not going to be happy. Of course, if I wanted it perfect, I could have just paid to have one of the other companies install it, right? It's fine - if I have to, *I'll* fudking duct tape the seams; I mean, I saved $5000 having it done this way, it's worth a little work on my part for that! Oh! And on top of everything, they haven't done any cleanup work since they started - there's still saw dust on my floors from the first day (every room!), drywall dust and pieces in the basement (my roller blades were just covered in drywall dust, so I moved them out of the way last night). I'm trying to be patient to see if maybe they're waiting until they're done to clean up, but it seems to me you'd at least sweep a bit at the end of a work day!?
I didn't have a chance to run last night, but I did get my second workout in, and it feels good to have my muscles feeling slightly tight & sore. I really hope I can keep this up, because I'm looking forward to being strong again, and being able to run a 10k eventually. Oh, and I decided to skip the tractor tire - it would have been fun, but it's really too big to have in my tiny yard, so I'm going to look into getting some heavy rocks to lift, or maybe making some concrete spheres or something like that. In the meantime, I'm just going to stick with what I have; I mean, if I'm not able to motivate myself to do that, why bother getting new shit, right?
Final thought for now - while chatting with Vivian last night, I had this big wave of sadness/melancholy/hopelessness come over me. It was really unpleasant/discouraging, as it was centered on my feeling so alone still, and really wanting to have someone in my life. I'm sure it started with the conversation about the younger girl at the local store - I told Viv about her, and she didn't seem to think it was any big deal. I expect that from her, though, as she was 19 when we started dating. (Had I mentioned this before? At least recently? I was dating a both 19 yr old and a 38 yr old then...) It was all I could do to get changed to lift, but I managed to force myself to do it, and it did make me feel a bit better.
I need to get back to work - my brain's starting to scramble...
10:37 a.m. - 2011-10-05
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