I hung out with GRJ yesterday. She called & left me a voicemail about a yard sale she's going to be having, and wanted to know if I was still interested in an old portable stereo I'd expressed interest in years back. (It's a really cool old record player with detachable speakers - looks like an old suitcase when it's all buttoned up!) She said that she'd give it to me for $50, but if I didn't want it, she was going going to put it in the sale at $75-80. (I ended up just giving her $60 for it, as I only had 20's. I know she could use the extra $10, and it's not going to hurt me at all.)
We talked a bit more, about her job prospects, her concern that her unemployment would be denied, etc, and it came out that she was about $40 short for rent this month. (In no way was she trying to play it up. She's very proud & won't accept help unless she absolutely has no other choice.) We talked about some of the side jobs she's got, and a new part-time gig working in her ideal field. Sounds like she's got some really good prospects coming up, and some great opportunitites to set herself up as a supplier/proprieter of her own business, working out of her home. (I'm really excited for her, because it's something she'd be thrilled to do for a living!)
Anyway I told her I wanted the player, and btw, did she have any time to hang out that day? She was kind of hesitant, because she said she had a lot of work to do on a project that was needed for Monday. I told her I could just come up & hang out for a bit, & she said she probably could for an hour or so. I took the bike up, and we ended up spending the next 4-5 hrs together, exploring the surrounding coutryside on the cycle, and grabbing some dinner. At one point while we were out I told her I was glad she found some time to head out with me, & she said that she's busted her ass trying to get things done so we'd have more time. She still doesn't have a lot of friends up there, and doesn't really get much of a chance to just relax. Her b/f is a selfish ass, and in no way helps with her stress levels, so she doesn't even get to relax with him.
It was a great time on the bike - we found a really cool roadside park on the river that we're going to go back and explore sometime; we hit a lot of out-in-the-country, tree-lined roads, cruised along the river for a while, just taking whatever random side street we thought might be interesting. We probably put on a hundred miles or so! It was really comfortable, familiar; no awkwardness, no uncomfortableness - reminded me of when we were together. Got me thinking about whether we should actually date again, which I know is probably not a good thing, but for most of the day, all I kept thinking about was kissing her. I didn't, and I won't, but who knows? She texted me that night & thanked me for the great day. I told her we needed to hang out more & she agreed that we should. I've been on a big "go with what life throws at you" kick recently, so I'm not closing myself off to it, but as with CC, as long as I'm in "limbo", I'm not going to pursue anything with anyone unless it's understood that it might be temporary (which, incidentally, is why we broke up in the first place. I wasn't ready to be exclusive, and that's what she wanted.)
Also, got an email from CC last night, and while I can't recall the specifics of it right now (aside from her saying that she feels misled in all of this), in my reply I explained the uncertain status of the entire Germany issue; how even if they want to hire me, it could be up to a year before they're ready to actually hire; how I'm still not entirely sure I could actually "pull the trigger" and make the move, even if they wanted me, but that if I didn't at least give it some serious consideration, I might regret it for years to come. I told her I realized that wouldn't work for her, but that i hoped things wouldn't be so (awkward?) that we couldn't still be friends at very least. She'd asked me to leave her packages out (she had used my address to ship some things), and I told her that, unless she really was uncomforable seeing me, I could just drop by with them this week, as I needed to pick up my motorcycle helmet anyway. Also told her that, if she wasn't up for that, I'd be happy to leave them out, but I wouldn't until I heard from her, so they wouldn't just sit out where someone could grab them. I don't know if the friend thing will work eventually, but I'm guessing that, for now, we're not going to be interacting much. Sad, but such is life.
Know what's sadder? My only real regret with her is that I held myself back from getting physically intimate. Man, I wanted to, but I was trying to be a gentleman. I'm such a dumbass! Beautiful girl, gorgeous body, sexy as hell - still kicking myself for that one.
Ain't I a dog!? *rollseyes*
Anyway, next week, hanging out with the Joker - who knows? Maybe I'll have some more interesting tales from that whole experience!? (I'll write more about CC when/if she replies, too.)
Gotta run...
1:06 p.m. - 2010-08-30
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