joke time, to try to lighten the mood....
The Iraq War
So, Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.
"Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."
Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief. He buries hisface in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".
"Mr. President," says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's terrible. But I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?"
Bush looks up and says..."How many is a Brazilian?"
Shopping
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
He said, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked at her four items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how
on earth did you know that?"
The drunk said, "Cause you're uglier'n shit."
Ed was in trouble. He had forgotten his wedding anniversary and his wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ed has been missing since Friday.
"Well you see, Norm, it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive
drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the
slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain
a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you
always feel smarter after a few beers."
- Cliff Claven, from "Cheers"
2:11 p.m. - 2009-07-24
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