So, the date on Saturday...
I'd gotten a message on a dating site from a gal one town over, which was longer, detailed, and rather refreshing, so I matched with her & reached out. Her initial message had included something about 'not knowing if we're dating-compatible' or something to that effect, but that she thought at minimum we might hit it off as friends. I liked this, as it took the pressure off immediately. I agreed, and suggested we meet up, which she was open for.
I initially had suggested a place here in town because I'd been under the mistaken impression that she was local. Once I realized where she was from, I messaged and suggested changing venues to something in her town, and that there was a small brewery I was curious to check out (I haven't had a drink since NYE, so I wanted to have a beer). She was grateful for the change (not having to drive so far) and agreed to meet there. One of my issues is that, not being one to go out much anymore, I failed to realize what weekend it was - St. Pat's! Ugh. We met around 5p I think, and the place was already packed & obnoxious, with green beads, fake plastic hats & green beer everywhere. I immediately apologized, but we tried to tough it out & have a conversation at the bar. It actually went fairly well for how loud it was, and we only had one or two lulls in conversation. She's fairly interesting, from New Zealand, but has been living in the US for years, most recently in Colorado before moving here. She had a charming accent too, but honestly, I felt zero connection or attraction.
Anyway, once the brewery got too loud, we decided to sit outside, but it had gotten a bit chilly so we walked around. Not a great idea, as it also got widny and began to sprinkle a bit. Conversation still flowed fairly well, but it felt like there was a disconnect the whole time. With the weather getting progressively worse (and as we'd been there for maybe 1-1.5 hrs already) I walked her to her vehicle, gave her a hug & we parted ways.
She sent a fairly long text later, talking about a movie we discussed that she thought I should watch, and a simple 'thanks for the chat & the lemonade', at the end. I replied with another apology for picking such a poor 1st meeting place, but that I'd enjoyed talking & looked forward to doing so again; also that I'd try to find time to watch the movie she suggested. Anyway, I had the immediate impression from her message that dating was off the table, but that she might still be open for friendship, and I've been trying ever since to figure out if that's what I want. I just not texted her to see how her week's gone, but I'm wondering if maybe I just should have skipped it, although I know I shouldn't ghost anyone & that at least I can see where she's at for now. She might not be interested in continuing, considering I took so long to contact her again, but I don't think that'll really upset me much.
Honestly, I wonder if I'm maybe just not cut out for dating/relationships anymore? You know how some people get 'old & set in their ways'? Maybe that's me? Or maybe I'm being too particular? Or maybe expecting my interest to be piqued, to be intrigued by, or (to use a cliched phrase) hoping for 'butterflies', is just wholly unrealistic, and I need to modify my expectations if I ever hope to not be alone for the rest of my life?
Heh, maybe this is as good as it gets...
5:27 p.m. - 2024-03-22
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