1st, I'm doing alright today, sorry for all the 'drama' recently. I've actually made a meaningful (to me) mental association today that's helped me understand/put into perspective, some of the possible reasons I tend to fall into wells of depression.
If you've ever heard anything about autism, you've likely heard of the stereotypical 'meltdown' reaction that kids can have. Well that British woman whose videos I've posted in the past had talked about how she has 'meltdowns' too, when things get overwhelmingly stressful & she has no relief/release. I don't recall exactly what her reactions were, but something clicked in my head today that, that's pretty much what triggers my depression. Whenever things get to be too much/overwhelming I feel like I tend to freeze up. I don't usually blow up by swearing or getting aggressively verbal (on occasion, but not usually), but rather, I shut down, give up, and decide it's all too much, so why bother trying anymore. That kicks off the downward spiral, and it takes something starting to go well/right to bring me back to apathy, and even more to go right, to get me to start feeling ok again.
Anyway, I've been looking for a radio unit for the Volt for a week, every day, on a nationwide used parts website database (combining both the US and Canada). From everything I've read from online forums and the parts sellers, the best thing is to buy a unit that has your exact part number to be sure it's compatible. In the last week, I thought I'd found three of them, but when I called each place, they told me the part number listed was wrong, and the one on the sticker was a different number. That meant that, in both the US and Canada combined, there were zero used units available! The 'new' parts, supposedly direct from GM, have been on back-order for well over a year, and are not likely to be filled any time soon, so that was out as well.
So, I think between that frustration, the water leaks in my house, all the extra money I've been spending on cycle projects, and the fact that I haven't had my winter bike for a month (as well as other depressing/discouraging things in my life), I think I had another 'meltdown'. It feels like what might have been called a 'nervous breakdown' in the past, or an anxiety attack, or any number of things, but they all mean the same thing. My mind shut down & allowed my most negative thoughts to resurface. The really bad thing is, without some form of friendship/support system, these thoughts just run wild and build on themselves until they're overwhelming. I really only have two forms of self-therapy in which I can indulge; my motorcycle, and drinking. As my cycle has been in the shop for a month, all I had left was drinking, and I did, which never makes things better, but alleviates the pain for a while, until I can get my head on right again.
You want to kn0w how I figured all of this out? I was looking on ebay today to see if I could find a radio there, and guess what? I actually found the only radio on the entire site with my exact part number, which came out of the same model year car as mine! It was $500, but as WJC has an ebay account, I gave him my card info & had him buy it for me.The immense relief I felt having this done was immediate! I was literally smiling, and joking around within minutes - I'd had no idea just how heavy that had been weighing on me! It should arrive at my house by Thursday, so by that night, I should know if it will fix things or not.
And then when I got out of work today, it was sunny and 60°F outside, an unbelievable day for February, and I decided to stop at the repair shop to see where things were with my bike. Long story short, they brought it out to me, only for me to discover that the glue they'd used to hold the grip to the throttle tube didn't work - I couldn't ride it the way it was. They tried to glue it again while I waited, to no avail, so I told them to just put the old grips back on because I really wanted to ride, and I needed to get my 'February day' ride in. I ended up waiting at the shop for well over an hour, but eventually, I got my bike (sans heated grips), and finally got a chance to ride! I was amazed at how good a mood I was in, being back on the bike, rolling on the throttle & listening to the engine roar! It's probably the 1st time I've actually smiled in over a month, but it felt really good.
So that's where things stand with me as of right now - I'm hopeful that the car will be repaired within a week, at which time I'll be able to have the truck detailed to sell, and I can also go for a ride now, any time the weather is good. I also decided to just buy a new kitchen faucet kit & replace the entire thing, rather than trying to mess around with just the leaky spray handle, and I should be able to do that this weekend. I'm also looking forward to getting back into my workouts (I've only missed a couple, but it's been an ordeal to force myself to do them).
Sorry for the book-length entry, but there was a lot to explain/discuss. And thank you for being supportive and not giving up on me while I was so down. I'm always afraid my moods will end up pushing people away, and I'm grateful for those of you who are still around! :-)
1:24 a.m. - 2020-02-04
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