I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I shouldn't have bought the car yet (maybe at all)? I have too many things going on now (and all will cost money, or a lot of time, or both) and it's raising my anxiety levels.
The sprayer on my sink has been leaking badly for more than a week (hopefully I'll get to that today), I have more parts to get to the powdercoaters for the Indian, I still have to pay for the work done to R&R the wheels on that bike too. I also still have to pay for the work done on the Honda & find a way to get it back to my house. If I'm going to sell the truck, I have to call to arrange for it to be detailed, and I may have to have the brakes looked at/fixed because they're pulsing a bit (like maybe a warped rotor?). Oh yeah, and the house will need several thousands of dollars in repairs/upgrades in the next year or two as well.
I forgot to call to put the Volt on 'storage' insurance, so it's costing me more than it should, as I'm not driving it yet. I'm having a hell of a time finding a used radio for it, and even if I do, I have to send it out for unlocking/reprogramming, and even if I do that, I won't know if that will fix the issue until I install it & see if it works. It's possible that something else went bad somewhere in the computer system, because with the last two used radios that the dealer installed, they couldn't even communicate with them. That tells me the radio might not be the issue, which would mean back to the dealer for diagnostics, which could cost a ton if they have trouble finding the problem.
I also had a conversation with my boss & his boss yesterday (at my request) about my job title and ways I could work to increase my pay at the company. Most of our discussion was centered around the fact that the company hasn't had a correct job title for me since 2008-9? I've brought it up many times, but didn't have the energy or tenacity to pursue it. After the last two annual raises I got ended up being less that the average annual inflation rate in the US, I decided I'd had enough & wanted to address it finally.
Boss2 (a friend of mine, we've worked together for decades) made a point to tell me that for now, we were addressing the job title issue, and not necessarily the pay issue. He's not sure there is a corporate job title that applies to what I do, so we might get to create one. Once that's done, the company will do market research to determine a proper pay scale, and from there, we can talk about pay, apparently. So my job now is to take the list of differences between my current 'duties' and what I actually do, and condense it to be more concise and professional (use bigger words in my descriptions, he told me), and also figure out what my KPI's should be ( measureable objectives, don't remember the acronym).
He had mentioned that we should stay away from anything in the title saying 'Engineer' because I don't have a degree (high school diploma is all). I asked if that would make a big difference & he seemed to think it would, and said if I could at least get an Associates degree, that could change the pay discussion a lot. So now I also have to arrange for a time to go back out to our community college to talk to an advisor, to see how close I am to *any* degree, between my past classes and my years of work experience. I'll likely go for whatever I'm closest to getting, unless it's completely unrelated to my job field, although Boss2 did say that they'd interviewed people who's degrees had nothing to do with our field (one was in Forestry!) but the fact that the had a degree at all kept them in the interview pool. We all agree it's kind of stupid, but he said that's the way this company (and the corporate world in general, I guess) operates.
I have no idea how I'm going to handle try to go back to school. It's not the course work that concerns me, nor the social interactions (much); it's more that I'm concerned my depression will interfere with the process. The last couple times I've tried to go back, I've ended up having to drop my class because I hit a rough patch, fell behind & couldn't make it up to get a passing grade. I don't want to waste more time & money if I'm only going to drop out again, but if I don't try, I'm going to keep falling behind in my salary.
All this is on top of the near-constant stress about dating & wishing I had some form of support system. I'm not feeling well again today & could really use a hug. Too bad there are none to be had here.
I'm tired of doing this all alone.
9:42 a.m. - 2020-02-01
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