Read an article today on paying attention to the signs the universe gives you when you may be on the wrong path in life. Not sure why, but for some reason today, I saw my depression, not as something that's just a part of who I am, or that will be with me forever, but as a big warning flag that things weren't right in my life. Yes, even from a young age. I'm grateful to my adoptive family for raising me & giving me a good life, but I always knew I didn't belong with them, that their energies didn't match mine, although I obviously couldn't have articulated that back then.
Each 'failed' relationship, each undertaking that turned out poorly, each lost friend... not a reason to be depressed, but a sign that I was pursuing the wrong things, or at least, the wrong 'specific' things, even if the ultimate goals were valuable. Pursuing/desiring a loving relationship? A mutually supportive friendship? Both good things. Pursuing/desiring them with the specific people I chose? Not good, and the universe told me so, I just didn't understand how to interpret it.
This past year, I've found/grown an amazing friendship with someone, and in that time, my depression has faded a lot. Sure, I've had a few minor setbacks, but nothing like the last 30+ years of my life. I feel positive about life, I feel healthy, and I actually have plans for the future, which I never even bothered with before. I'm not saying that it's all due to this friend entirely, but I think it's the universe's way of telling me that I'm on the right path.This is the kind of friendship/relationship I need more of in my life, so now I know what to look for & what not to settle for.
Hell, even going out the other night told me something. Drinking, and the onset of melancholy that night, and feeling like shit physically the next day, means that's not a thing that is helping me, it's not something I should pursue. While I did enjoy running into friends while I was out, I should probably find a way to transition those friendships out of the bar/brewery scene, and if I can't? Well... they may be nice people, but I may have to let them fall back into the 'acquaintance' category so i can find people who are more aligned with me.
...
Depression is a red flag? Interesting take on it. Tonight, I'm really glad I had this realization. I hope it sticks with me.I also wish I knew how to properly thank my friend, but words seem inadequate.
11:18 p.m. - 2019-11-18
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