Went to the east side of the state yesterday to visit a gal I've known for several years, but never get to hang out with. No matter how long it is between visits, we pick up like no time has passed at all; big hugs, great open conversations, hand holding... we just seem to have this physical/conversational closeness that's really enjoyable.
Dating has never really come up, because we're really on two different levels. She's a fetish model, and is deep into the kink scene, is a domme on occasion, and overall is basically pure libido. She's experienced things I probably can't even imagine, but that's what makes knowing her so cool. She's really open about it, and also open about the fact that the issues she has are with emotional intimacy. I'm mostly on the opposite end of the spectrum. While I've indulged in the kink scene a bit when in relationships, I'm mostly demi-sexual. I've never been able to be that free with my body. I prefer (actually, need) emotional intimacy before things will even progress to physical (ok, beyond making out - kissing is always fun!).
Sometimes i wonder though, if maybe we each have something we could teach the other? Maybe if she wasn't +2hrs away, but I guess it doesn't really matter at this point.
I did ride the cycle over, and had great weather on the way there. Turns out the weather report was wrong, though, and it ended up raining (thunder storms, actually) later that evening, so about halfway home, I hit heavy rain. A couple times, it was so bad I had to pull over under an overpass to let it calm down a little. Then to top off a shitty evening, it turns out the headlights on my cycle burnt a fuse again, and I had to make the last few miles home with nothing more than running lights. Really fucking dangerous, and did my best to get home as quickly as I could, but unfortunately, the sun set about 5-6 miles from home. Four of those miles were on the highway, and the rest on side streets in my neighborhood, and they don't have many street lights. I was lucky to not have gotten in an accident.
I really should look at the wiring today so I can ride at night again, but I'm still having issues. Only worked out once this week, I think? And I really should do so today (and am going to try to get motivated) but right now, still, all I want to do is drink. I'm really fed up with trying to improve/maintain my life (for what purpose, really?), and after an evening of close physical proximity to a wonderful female, I'm now, even moreso, realizing what I'm missing. It's very discouraging.
3:51 p.m. - 2018-09-02
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