One of the problems I have is when I'm feeling down, I get stuck in a mental loop of all the negative interactions I've ever had with pretty much everyone. Every embarrassing moment, every time I was misunderstood, every time someone was mean/cruel to me (intentionally or not), every person who either shunned or ignored me keeps playing in my head, reminding me of how obvious it seems that I'm undeserving of love, happiness, or anything remotely positive. (Well, that's how my mind sees it, anyway.) It reminds me that my efforts are pointless; that all I've got to show for decades of struggling to persevere is sadness, emptiness, loneliness, and in the absence of that, apathy.
I haven't worked out since last Tuesday, and I really have no desire to. I'm going to go out & try again in a few minutes, but I really feel like giving up & resigning myself to being a drunk again. At least when I'm hung over, my body hurts as much as my soul does. When you feel physically fine, and nothing is actually wrong with your life, the grief & hopelessness seem even worse.
I don't even necessarily want to be happy at this point, I just want to not be sad anymore.
3:29 p.m. - 2018-08-27
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart