I so rarely do stupid shit (I so rarely do *anything* risky), because I've learned how poorly I react to having done so. The possibility of embarrassing/ being ashamed of myself sets off massive feelings of anxiety. I've talked about my social anxiety before, but I kind of see now it really stems from the fear of embarrassment. Fear of public speaking, fear of being the center of attention, fear of doing something (anything) stupid in front of people causes my skin to flush, my heart to race, my energy to constrict, and causes a 'fight-or-flight' rush of adrenaline.
I've learned over the years to, if not blend in, then at least to put up a protective front to keep people away, so that I never have to worry about being myself & doing/saying stupid shit. I was so upset on Saturday that I was going to pretend like it never happened. Even after I froze my credit, I'd decided that I wasn't going to tell a soul about how dumb I was.
The more I thought about it though, and the more I calmed down, the more I realized that I really needed to get it out. I still feel dumb, but rational thought has returned to some extent, and I realize that 1) part of this was due to my trusting nature. I'm not inherently distrustful (until someone gives me a reason). I'm glad I'm not always suspicious, I don't want to live that way (with people IRL, anyway). 2) Identity theft happens to a shit-ton of people every day - that I managed to avoid it for this long is commendable, but knowing I'm not the only one makes it a bit easier. and 3) at this point, nothing's actually happened. I froze my credit on Saturday, I went to my bank today & made account adjustments that should prevent anything happening directly with my bank, and about the only other thing I can do is see if I can get a new license number, which I'm going to look into in the next day or two.
I've pretty much done what I can, I've learned a valuable lesson, and since there's nothing more I can do, I need to stop freaking out about it. I've never been a worrier by nature, about things that are out of my control, so I need to stop worrying. I also need to check my bank account for fraudulent transactions every day. They didn't get any of my banking info, but who knows what can be found online with the information they have, right? I'm also going to pull my credit report every four months (you get one free report per year from each agency, and there are three). If anything shows up, I can take care of it then.
I'm still slightly panicked, and still feeling stupid, but I'm beginning to mellow out a bit. I even got back to my workouts today, which means I think I'm also past (or nearly past) my recent bout with depression. I hope things keep improving.
8:30 p.m. - 2018-08-20
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart