It sucks right now, because it's almost like I can feel my brain chemistry intentionally fucking things up in my head. I know (based on so many other times) that this will pass soon & I'll be fine, but at this moment, I can't even find the energy to get out of this chair, let alone think about living my life. My intellect knows this is bullshit, but my emotions keep telling me that I need to give up on the idea of having any friends, and forget about any chance for a relationship; that the longer I hope for it, the worse it'll hurt when it doesn't happen. I try to put myself out there, to take a chance, but it takes so much energy (energy I rarely have) that to have each effort come to nothing seems more than I can take. It's really dumb, but all I've wanted today is for compassionate, understanding feminine arms around me, and to be able to feel safe enough to just cry until I don't feel a need to anymore.... it sounds fucking silly now that read it, so I'll just bury that image until I feel better & it won't matter anymore.
At least I understand what's happening & why at this point, and at least I know this feeling only hangs on for days/weeks now, rather than interminable months/years that it used to. That doesn't make this feeling any easier right now though. Neither does writing about it, which I'd hoped for.
5:51 p.m. - 2018-05-20
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart