Realized last night that my phrasing of getting the 'thanks out of the way' sounds really bad. I've always had trouble realizing when I say something, that it might be taken negatively.
What I meant was that, how to properly thank her had been stressing me out. Running through different scenarios, whether I might say too much, or not enough, or do or say something awkward without realizing it, etc. My mind constantly runs through situations, imagining all sorts of fuck-ups I might make, and so I get really stressed.
When I was young, I never thought about these things, because I didn't really relate to others; I lived in my own world. Through the years, I've learned some of the rules of social engagement/interaction (by almost always observing, rarely interacting), but I still don't understand them. It's like I've learned how to fake being like everyone else, but when I make a mistake or hurt someone's feelings, I don't realize why unless it's pointed out to me, or I have time to reflect on it afterwards.
Maybe that's why my brain is always re-hashing all of my negative interactions - I'm still trying to learn how to be a normal person, to figure out how I messed up, and how to prevent it next time.
I don't know what else to say.
10:23 a.m. - 2017-12-16
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart