Got the clutch cable replaced, but I'm not sure if I might have to remove it again soon. You're supposed to lubricate it before installing, and all I had was WD40, which I'm not sure is heavy enough for the long-term. I'll have to check with my mechanic, unless dangerspouse might happen to know, with his experience with cycles & all?
Had a voicemail from my ma today, she said we haven't talked since Feb. I'm ok with this, but she's upset. Now that I'm starting to feel a bit better, Ill probably try to contact her soon. Figured I'll write an email 1st, because I want to tell her that I don't want to discuss my recent depressive episode at all, and that I'd appreciate it if she wouldn't ask about it. If she does, well, then I'll just have to avoid her for a while again. Every time she asks me about these issues I have, it comes across as pitying, and unintentional condescension of sorts, and it sets me off. I have a difficult enough time getting over these episodes without being reminded that everyone else thinks I'm a nutjob. The whole family gets this kind of patronizing attitude towards me about it - drives me crazy.
I did manage to meet a cool gal last week at the Well. She had a sketchpad out & was drawing, and was being "politely harrassed" by a really drunk guy - you know the type, too drunk to realize he was being improperly forward & not knowing when he'd worn out his welcome, etc... When he got up to leave for a minute, I asked if she was ok & we started talking a bit. I tried my best to keep my conversation short, as I was concerned I might come across the same way & didn't want to bug her. We did, however, make introductions, and when I left, I told her I wasn't much the talkative type, but she said she'd make sure to come say hi when next she saw me. That made me feel a bit better about things. I'm going up tonight again - I tried last night, but the place was just too crowded.
Oh, I also ran into the guy who helped me with my first few (successful) open mic nights, at the same venue my cousin-in-law was at. He managed to get me to agree to playing my buddy Huey's open mic night on the 9th. I agreed half-heartedly, and now I'm trying to decide whether to go along with it. I can't really settle on 4-5 songs to do, because after playing them for a week or two, I get completely bored & start trying to learn new ones. I do think I'm getting a bit better though, so I'm going to try to just settle on 4 & see if I can get it together. Maybe I'll even follow through this time?
I hope A (the art-girl) is at the Well tonight.
3:35 p.m. - 2017-04-30
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