GRJ was in town today, visiting her ma. I told her earlier that I had a computer she could use/have. She stopped by w/her ma & I helped her out to the car with it. Got a big hug both when she arrived & when she left, which was really nice. (Got big hugs when I went up to visit earlier too & helped her with her battery.) When I mentioned that it had both speakers & a video camera, she said "Oh, so you want me to send you pictures now? 'Cuz I'm open to that!". I was a bit taken aback, but I didn't show it & managed to say "Well, only if you're ok with that!". (I should mention she made a funny comment when I was working on her van battery the previous weekend- she came back out of the house & said something about how she should come back out & "hold my parts"; I said, "well, you could, but I don't know how much work would get done after that!" & she laughed & said something about that's what she thought, or something similar). I guess I should have been more forward about the pictures, but this all seems out of character for her, as relates to me. I don't know, but I wonder if she's just feeling a lot more healthy/positive about things since she had her surgery, and is just being playful without meaning anything. I think, unless and until something actually happens, I'm going to assume this is the case. I do think she's a great gal & we'd probably be a great couple, but, I don't know... It seems like we both know we can be good together, but that we're each looking for something more than what we had before. After all this time though, maybe we *could* be more to each other, I don't know.
Am I just considering this relationship again because I have no other viable options currently (and is she doing the same?), or is it possible that we could work again? Are we just looking at what's comfortable, because we've been there before? Or, even if it's not an epic romance, would it be worthwhile for two people who can't find their place in the world, to carve out a life with each other?
Stepfordtart would tell me to move on, ask (again) if I've already dated everyone else in my town, and she made a good point... (damnit, I miss her! it's not fucking fair!) Why go back to something that, though familiar, I've already experienced, when I could be trying something new with someone I've never met? That is, assuming I could actually meet someone new.
She told me she had plans for next weekend, but they fell through, so she has some free time & wants me to come up. I told her I'd bring my laptop & we could set up her new computer camera so she could Skype (would be a benefit to her business if she could, not to mention perhaps a bonus for me, in that I might be able to video-chat with her a little).
Am I an idiot? I know GRJ & I will always be great friends, we're connected by so much, both emotionally & with life experiences, but maybe I should just convince myself to leave it at that & ignore those stupid impulses that try to convince me that there's more there than there really is, or could be.
... lust-, sorry for the text the other night, and for not writing back. I've not much to say & you seem quite occupied with life, so I don't want to intrude.
As for the rest of you, I appreciate you all & if you'd like to talk a bit, send me an email. Or if you have my number, feel free to call. Or if you want my number, feel free to ask. Or if you think I'm an ass, leave me a note. I'm sure I've heard worse somewhere.
10:08 p.m. - 2017-01-29
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