You know, I just can't seem to hang on to a positive outlook anymore. Since stopping the supplements, my emotional state has been oscillating from total dejection to an understated "everything sucks", but hasn't really made it into the realm of "things are ok". Work has been quite a challenge recently (felt like quitting, or at least leaving early, this afternoon). I managed to stick it out, but I'm getting to be the "angry guy" again, and I don't like it. I've noticed my temper is getting worse (meaning, my fuse is quite short when it comes to stupid people & the idiotic way they do things that should be simple, like parking between the lines, etc). I even got mad at my pants when taking them off, because I couldn't get my foot out without a hassle. Isn't that dumb?
Looked at a house yesterday, around 12:30p. It had come up for sale on Saturday, and by the time I arrived, there was someone looking at it, and had been four more previous to them. Turns out there were some issues with the house i didn't want to deal with (and it wasn't entirely what I wanted), so I had to pass, but seeing all those people there that quickly was discouraging. Another house came up today & I texted my realtor about it, and as I was driving home, I decided to drive past. It literally came on the market around lunch time today, and when I drove by, there was one set of people leaving, and another waiting to see it! I can't make snap decisions, so I'm thinking of just waiting for houses that linger on the market for a month or more. By then, I'll know they might negotiate, and it would make the decision easier, knowing I'm not battling a dozen other people. Just seems like this is one more thing that's never going to happen for me. And I feel like, if it does, it'll only be because I settled for something, just to get out of here. I often wonder if I'm going to have to do the same thing if I want to avoid being alone for the rest of my life. Then I remember that "settling" isn't fair to either party & it's better if I let them find their "right person", which, of course, means I remain alone. Sometimes i really resent some of my altruistic tendencies.
I'm getting really tired of feeling so negative again. Only a couple more weeks until I can start my supps again (Sept. 1st-ish). I'm sure I can make it, but I'm also pretty sure it won't be pretty.
6:49 p.m. - 2016-08-16
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