I really wish I understood why some days I wake up with this pit of absolute despair in my stomach. I know it's rooted in my dating/relationship issues, but seems to quickly permeate everything in my life.
I know nothing's wrong, I know I'm accomplishing a lot of things, making progress with the projects I have, etc. but at times, it feels fucking stupid to even bother. I try to be outgoing/social, to be upbeat/positive, and/or to set goals and accomplish them, but rather than making me feel better, it all makes me feel hollow.
I used to wonder if it was some kind of chemical imbalance that caused me to have these issues, but I don't know how one night of sleep, no different than the others, can fuck up chemicals to this point. I think it's more likely that it's just psychological, and the times when I'm feeling good are the times when I've successfully managed to bury/get my feelings under control, and the times when I feel this way? It's probably my true self bleeding through.
I wish I could see a way out of this cycle.
P.S. Now that I think about it a bit more, I remember having a dream during the night about a girl. I even remember who she looked like (a girl I've only talked with once or twice & haven't seen in years). My guess? I must have been really happy/content in it, and waking to find it was just a dream was the let-down that caused this feeling. Well, at least I figured it out, I guess. Now to hope it goes away soon.
11:33 a.m. - 2015-11-21
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart