I think I figured out what last night's whole vibe was about. Sure, part of it was face-value, but a bigger part is that I'm a little concerned with the hand injury that happened a few weeks ago. Not sure what exactly happened, but it feels like a ligament detached in my palm, just below my little finger. It does hurt a bit, but there was no bleeding/bruising in the area, just a big bump now, and a tender/sensitive depression where it seems like it might have detached. I can still grip things, but pressure in that area brings on a nerve pain, and I can't hold over #225 without it hurting. (In the past, I could pull a 315 deadlift without any hand issues at all.)
I'm torn between going to the doctor about it, or just waiting for it to heal on it's own. On the one hand, if I let it go and it's a semi-serious issue, it could give me trouble down the road, and even cause me to be unable to continue with strongman. On the other, I don't have a doctor I feel I can trust, I don't know any that specialize in hands or sports medicine (as sports-related injuries tend to be treated differently), and to be honest, I don't want to blow a couple hundred dollars out of pocket for a doc to tell me to go home, take some motrin & don't lift anything heavy with it for a month. Co-pays are irrelevant with my current insurance until I've spent $1200/year out of pocket, so any treatment I need will cost me that much, plus any co-pays after I reach that amount. Ugh.
Also, to be honest, I'm a bit scared that I might need surgery to repair the area. I don't like the idea of anyone cutting into me, even if it's for my benefit. I'm also nervous about my mental state/how I will react if I can't keep up with the weightlifting for several weeks/months of recovery, as that and running are the only things I feel are keeping me from falling back into drinking & depression. How am I to cope with life if I can't do the only things that make my life manageable? I don't really have much to live for so losing anything that makes me feel like I do is pretty scary to me. And I'm finally starting to see the kind of progress in my body that I never have before. It would really be defeating to lose all of that hard work.
I guess I really should go. A few hundred dollars isn't much when it comes to the peace of mind that knowing I'm ok would bring. And if I'm not ok, I really need to get it fixed, so there's no reason to put it off. I'll have to see if I need a referral to see a specialist, or if I can just call someone & make an appointment. There's a combination hand specialist/sports medicine clinic about an hour north of here (found it online last night doing research). I'm guessing it's more expensive than a regular MD or DO down here though, so I wonder if it would be smarter to see someone here to determine if there's a need for a specialist?
Gods, I dislike this shit... (if you have any opinions/thoughts you'd like to share, you can email me at m.b. harr at hot maile dot com, no periods, no spaces, no e; I could use some input. Thanks!)
1:09 p.m. - 2015-02-09
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