I've been hesitant to write recently, because it feels like I don't have the energy to do it, but I guess I should.
Earlier this week, I saw KW. She texted me, said she really needed someone as she was struggling to make it through the night without drinking (or worse). I told her I'd come pick her up & we could drive for a bit. She was ten days sober, after having gone into the ER for the 2nd time recently & going through the in-patient process again. (Gods, just writing about this is draining me, mentally.) Anyway, I picked her up, she talked, I listened, mostly. Told her I was glad that she's sober again, etc. and that I hoped she stuck with it. I also let her know that I wasn't going to be able to be the person who could help her through this, on a regular basis, because of my somewhat "fragile" mental state as well; basically, if she really needed me, I'd be there, but it couldn't be a lot, because I have to protect myself & my well-being, and I don't have the extra energy to spare (if that makes sense?). I'm phrasing it poorly right now, but it was a bit more eloquent at the time. She said she understood. There was a bit more, but I seriously don't have it in me to get into more details, so let's just say, we drove, talked & I dropped her off again. Haven't heard from her since, and I'll leave it at that.
I did manage to skip my family's T-day get-together (another topic for which I don't have the energy for details), but I felt much better once I knew I wouldn't be going. Was supposed to hang with GRJ & her ma, but we rescheduled, since she has some vacation time coming up & I didn't want to impose on her family time, as her ma isn't doing too well & really misses her. I also managed to get out to SuperDave's for his annual after-T-day "soir�e", but I got a late start, didn't get there til almost 11:30p & seemed to have missed a bunch of people I'd hoped to see. Only stuck around for about an hour. We did trade records though - he found an old Stones record for me & I gave him an old Zager & Evans disc I found. We've been doing that for the last few years, and I think it's kind of cool.
Didn't go anywhere for my entire vacation this time; in fact, I think I spent 90% of it on my futon binge-watching old tv shows (Castle, Elementary, NCIS). Also read another book or two. Didn't clean, didn't finish the kitchen trim work I'd planned on originally, but I did manage to do a load of laundry. Have to do another tomorrow. I did, however, manage to get in three workouts last week, and 4 this week, on top of running (ok, jogging) a mile every weekday morning. It's a start, I guess. I need to keep it up through the next two work weeks, then I'll have three weeks off again to continue it. I want to see if I can hit a 5K by spring, and also get back to going to strongman each week. I haven't been out there, or talked to the guys, in a couplefew months & I feel bad about it.
At some point since T-day, I texted w/Viv & we made plans to hang out today, as a friend of ours was playing a series of acoustic fund-raiser shows in her town. We met up & talked a bit, stopped by two of the venues he was playing, & had a decent time. It was good talking with her again, and I got a couple big hugs, which I really need. It got a little awkward for me between the 1st & 2nd venue though, as her babysitter dropped her kid off & we hung out with her 8mo old. It wasn't awkward because of her having a kid, just that I'm not comfortable around them still, due to unresolved issues with my son & what I went through with that. I managed to be ok though, and we made tentative plans to get together again sooner, rather than later, as I think it's been maybe 6-7 months since the last time we hung out.
I'm kind of wondering... is it sad, or weird, or odd that the two closest friends I have (around here, I mean) are my exes? Does that mean most people I meet really do suck, or is it that I can't move on, or that I just don't know how to open up to people? I don't know, it seems sad to me. Honestly, if it wasn't for those two, I'd probably go years without a hug; as it is now, I end up going several months (unless you count silly little "lean-in" hugs from random drunk "acquaintances" - even that's still months though). Maybe if I can keep up with the running I can join a group/club this spring & meet some new people that way.
Ok, I think I'm done, I'm rambling/digressing now. *sigh*
12:11 a.m. - 2014-11-30
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