Not sure if it really matters, or if it will help me in any way, but I realized today that what causes me to fall into depression, evey time, has little/nothing to do with my situation, and everything to do with my belief that I'm unable to change my circumstances on my own. I think it becomes a gigantic sense of hopelessness, because I've proven to myself (in my head, at least) that I can't change. Everything in my life points to that truth, as seen through my (obviously skewed) perspective.
True, I'm sick of being alone. I'm tired of not having any close friends i can hang with on a regular basis. I accept that. What gets me really worked up is when I will myself to do something about it, then fail to follow through, whether it's because I've convinced myself it's not the right thing to do, or I make myself so anxious about it that I scare myself out of doing anything, and withdraw to hide in my self-imposed emotional prison.
I really wish I could learn to be more of a true extrovert. Maybe then I wouldn't end up this way all the time...
7:22 p.m. - 2014-04-02
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart